We’ve all experienced anger, but what causes this emotion?

The other day my wife forwarded me a quote: “Anger and resentments are masks for fears.”

My initial reaction was to feel that my wife was trying to tell me something - something that I didn’t want to hear.

Perhaps this quote was hitting a little to close to home for me.

In reality, this was a “quote of the day” from a website my wife subscribes to, so perhaps it was something greater than my wife trying to make a point - that is usually how it works with daily readings and recovery literature.

photo credit: h.koppdelaney

I am often quick to become irritable and angry when things aren’t going exactly as I see fit. When I feel this way - it is usually the controlling side of my codependency rearing its head.

I used to get angry and not know what to do with it. I would feel stuck which would lead to even more intense feelings - a cycle that could derail my personal recovery, my attempt at getting healthy again.

Why do I feel this way and what can I do to make it stop?

Today I can think through and try to rationalize what is driving my mood; If I am angry - I need to figure out what I am afraid of.

Once I am able to identify my fear, I usually realize that it is not as bad as I had subconsciously made it out to be.

I ask myself if it is worth giving up my serenity - it usually is not.

If I take this process a step further and focus on what is driving my fear - I think of another quote:

“Fear is the absence of my Higher Power.”

When I start to feel fear, I need to think about where I am in that moment with my relationship with God.

Is it close to me or is it distant?

If my relationship is close and I am truly turning my will and my life over to my Higher Power, then I have nothing to fear. It is when my relationship is in the distance that I have these feelings of anger, fear, despair within.

Knowing the cause of my emotions help me work through them - helps me on my path to recovery.

Today I can find perspective through putting the pieces of the recovery puzzle together - through reading daily devotionals, slogans and attending Al-Anon recovery meetings.

Do you have a topic you would liked discussed on Loving An Alcoholic?

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts:

support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

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Am I moving forward in recovery or falling back into codependency?

I often find myself wrestling with thoughts about where I am in recovery.

When I agree to something I’m indifferent about, is it because I’m truly indifferent or am I falling back into codependent patterns?

photo credit: jeffkAm

When a family member or friend appears to need help, by inserting myself into the situation, am I truly helping them or I am doing what comes natural to me - fixing and controlling?

Where is the balance?

How do I know that I have found it?

These are the questions I ask myself that show I’m missing the point.

When I struggle with finding the answer - I’m forcing my will into the situation.

Instead of taking a step back and listening to my Higher Power’s will, I’m trying too hard to control the outcome.

It’s times like theses that I really need to clear my head, slow things down and listen.

I have a choice - I can either insert myself into every situation around me or I can let things unfold.

I’ve tried inserting myself into every situation - that is the controlling side of me, the codependent. This approach often leads to frustration and resentments.

When I let things unfold, let my Higher Power’s will play out - I am usually pleasantly surprised.

Even if things don’t go exactly as I would have wanted, I haven’t given my energy away, the resentments aren’t there.

Step 3 of the 12 steps reads; made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.

The question I should be asking myself isn’t whether or not I’m on the path of recovery or slipping back into codependency - I should be asking myself if I’m practicing Step 3.

If I am, the rest will take care of itself.

What I like about my recovery program is that it is about progress and not perfection.

I will undoubtedly fall back into old behaviors from time to time. The difference today is that I have the tools to keep moving forward - to being a healthier me.

Do you have a topic you would liked discussed on Loving An Alcoholic?

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted? Send me your thoughts:

 support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend.

This is your first step towards healing.

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As I’ve mentioned in previous posts; prior to the realization that my wife was an alcoholic, I really had no first hand experience in what being an alcoholic meant exactly.

The only alcoholism I knew was the TV version.

Remember Otis Cambell from the Andy Griffith show? Seemed harmless. Otis would go on a bender, stumble into the police station, make a funny scene and then go to sleep.

I’m sure growing up there was an after school special that attempted to capture the experience but it is hard to wrap up the true fear and pain that goes along with the disease in a 30 minute show.

Even if a show can capture the behavior of an alcoholic or addict, it is rare to capture the recovery process and set backs of the person suffering from the disease, let alone the family.

photo credit: B Rosen

I think I became most critical of the Hollywood version of alcoholism when I watched the movie When a Man Loves a Woman™ with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia.

First, I have to say I thought this was a really good movie. In some aspects, When a Man Loves a Woman™ captures the insanity of active alcoholism, the codependency and difficulty in understanding that go along with those of us who love an alcoholic or addict.

Even though I feel this is is a really good movie, at the end of the day it is the Hollywood version - 30 minutes of spiraling out of control, 45 minutes of recovery, 15 minutes of happily ever after.

It probably doesn’t help that after I watched When a Man Loves a Woman™ with my wife, she relapsed - something Meg Ryan was able to avoid. My experience was real. Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia’s - Hollywood.

It wasn’t until my wife turned me on to A&E’s Intervention™ that I saw, broadcasted, a realistic view of the destruction and struggle that accompany alcoholism and addiction.

Not only for the alcoholic or addict but also for the family and loved ones. What draws me to Intervention™ is that it is not always happy ever after. The shows are realistic - some who are featured embrace recovery and work a program, others don’t and go back to being active again.

At the end of every show there is an update. The person that slipped 6 months ago may now have 6 months of sobriety. The person that embraced recovery on the initial broadcast may have relapsed last week.

The show is a realistic portrayal of the experiences that I have become familiar with in this journey.

From the website: http://www.aetv.com/intervention/

Intervention™ is a powerful and gripping television series in which people confront their darkest demons and seek a route to redemption.

The Intervention Television series profiles people whose dependence on drugs and alcohol or other compulsive behavior has brought them to a point of personal crisis and estranged them from their friends and loved ones.

Each Intervention episode ends with a surprise intervention that is staged by the family and friends of the alcohol or drug addict, and which is conducted by one of three Intervention specialists: Jeff VanVonderen, Candy Finnigan and Ken Seeley.

Intervention™ raises awareness about the alternatives and treatment options available to those who suffer from an alcohol or drug addiction, and gives hope to families who have nowhere left to turn.

If you are struggling with an addiction, and need help call 1-800-662-HELP.

Do you have a topic you would liked discussed on Loving An Alcoholic? Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

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