Letters From The Inbox - The Serenity Prayer

One of my favorite aspects of writing Loving An Alcoholic is the many e-mails I receive from our readers with messages of hope, strength and encouragement on their path to recovery.

I received an e-mail the other day from our reader Nance B., following my post on Step 3, and was able to connect because of a mutual favorite saying; The Serenity Prayer.
This simple saying was the first tool I learned in Al-Anon to gain perspective - to get me back on track when I try to take on too much that is simply out of my control.

Letters from the Inbox:

Thank you so much for sending me reminders of the steps and where we need to put or thoughts and prayers. I have a 24 year old son who is 4 generations of alcoholics and it breaks my heart to see him in denial and to struggle with his defects of character and his attitude of not really caring about much of anything.

My favorite saying that I repeat each and every day is:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change; courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.” - The Serenity Prayer

I can only be there for him in love, support and give him advice. It took a very long time to learn that I could not change him, control him, make him care about himself or change his life.

I give him to God daily and am so blessed that God has held him in His hand and kept him safe so far.

I have been through a lot of 12 step programs, both for myself and my son, to help me to see that I can not change anything only my son or God can.

You can put so much energy and time into wanting, hoping, praying and stressing about wanting to change them -have them see their lives as destructive and wanting to shake them out of denial.

It was draining me and I realized that being in my own recovery program was the best way that i could help him.

I know that i have a loving and caring heavenly Father who is in charge of my life so it is a daily battle to have him take control.

What do I have to lose?

Nance B.

Do you have a topic you would liked discussed on Loving An Alcoholic or have comments related to today’s post?

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and or lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

In my last post, I discussed Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Step 2 gives us hope that there is something out there that can get us healthy again - to guide us on our path of recovery.

Step 3 fulfills the slogan: I can’t (Step 1), God can (Step 2) and I’ll let Him (Step 3).
When it comes to loving the alcoholic in our lives, it is easy to pretend that we know what is best. We want the person we love whole again, we want it on our terms and we want it now.

I know I did anyway.

As I forced the issue and placed expectations on my wife and her recovery, I found my self disappointed again and again. My frustration grew and my health deteriorated.

It wasn’t until I was able to come to terms with the limits of my own understanding of this disease that I was able to turn my love and my fear over to my Higher Power and let Him take care my wife.

It was no longer my responsibility to force her recovery - I had turned my will over.

The transformation within Step 3 can be powerful and scary.

For me, it was the first time that I taken a step back - allowed things to unfold as they should.

As I became more comfortable with the concept of Step 3, I felt the pain dissipate.

I felt for the first time, in a long time - that everything was going to be okay.

The following are Step 3 related quotes from Courage To Change - One Day At A Time In Al-Anon II.

I hope you find one that allows you to connect.

“Decision is a risk rooted in the courage of being free.” - Paul Tillich

“Step 3 suggests I teach myself, from this moment on, to be receptive, to open myself to help from my Higher Power.” - Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

“God’s gifts put man’s best dreams to shame.”- Elizabeth Barrett Brownling

“…..time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain, therefore, awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters.” - Plato

“I have held many things in my hands. and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.” - Martin Luther

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end.” - As We Understood…

“There are no guarantees that life will turn out the way we would like, but the program has shown me God’s will is the only way; it is up to me to work with Him and turn my life and will over to His care and guidance.” - In All Our Affairs

Do you have a topic you would liked discussed on Loving An Alcoholic or have comments related to today’s post?

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

In my last post I discussed Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. The first step on our path to recovery - but now what?

So we’ve given up the thought that we could control our alcoholic’s actions - our burden was lifted. We took a look in the mirror and accepted that we aren’t super human - our lives had indeed become more than we could handle.

If this was a one step program it would be easy to continue down the same path of despair most of us were on.

Step 2 gives us hope that if we have faith, our Higher Power can get us healthy again - we can get our lives back.

For me, this was easier said than done.

Prior to realizing that my wife’s alcoholism had taken hold, I didn’t feel there was any problem I couldn’t solve or any situation to difficult to handle.

With this belief, why would I need a Higher Power?

I followed this way of thinking for 33 years - change wasn’t going to happen overnight.

Thankfully, in short order, I realized that I was in over my head and I was willing to put in motion whatever necessary to take my life back - to fill the shell I had become.

In Al-Anon, I came to believe and slowly but surely my sanity was restored.

What I truly appreciate about the 12 Steps of Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous is that I can define what my Higher Power is to me. I’m not beholden to a religous belief, instead I can explore my spirituality without worry that I will be judged.

This, to me is the silver lining that came with loving my alcoholic, my wife - I was finally able to connect with my Higher Power.

The following are Step 2 related quotes from Courage To Change - One Day At A Time In Al-Anon II:

“If we do not change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are heading.” - Ancient Chinese Proverb

“Our business in life is not to get ahead of other people, but to get ahead of ourselves.”  - Maltbie D. Babcock

“Finding inner strength is looking beyond the visible and focusing life’s search on the unseen.” - As We Understood

“When I have at last realized that my problems are too big to solve myself…I need not be alone with them if I am willing to accept help from a Higher Power.” - Al-Anon’s 12 Steps & 12 Traditions

“As long as you live, keep learning how to live.”  - Senica

“I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving.” - Oliver Wendell Homes   

Do you have a topic you would liked discussed on Loving An Alcoholic or have comments related to today’s post?

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.