Letters From The Inbox - I Love Her Who Was Once An Alcoholic

The other day, I received a note from one of our subscribers to Loving An Alcoholic - Jessie K.

As I read through Jessie’s story, I tried to imagine being a young child having both parents struggling with alcoholism.

Growing up in that environment - I imagine you would give anything to have your parents back - to have them back sober.

It may have taken Jessie 20 years and certain trauma - but she now has the opportunity to forge a relationship with the alcoholic she loves - her mother.

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I would like to have my story published in hopes that others out there can find their way to a sober-more happier life.

I am a child who has had both her parents alcoholics her whole life.

I’m only 20 years old and I’ve lived with their ugly addiction; ignoring, acknowledging, and just settling for years.

Its hard to see anyone you love live a path that they’re much better than.

Luckily for me, the unfortunate became very fortunate in my family. My mother was forced to quit drinking when her liver wouldn’t accept it anymore.

She had a very near death experience to the point where the doctors in the intensive critical care unit informed my family and I that she wasn’t going to survive.

I was lucky in the sense that my mother survived this horrific experience, and she survived sober.

It opened her eyes, and she hasn’t had a drink since.

Its an awful thing when someone gets scared into quitting, but as a sober woman, her smile is bright and radiant.

It is an amazing feeling seeing the person you love re-experience the world, sober.

Often times, my brother and I try to test her in situations to see if she’d drink if we weren’t around and she always passes with a sober outcome.

She even admitted herself that being sober was what she always wanted but could never officially do on her own.

Though, from experience I’ve learned as bad as you want the other person to quit- it’ll never happen until they truly want it for themselves.

-Jessie K.

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Jessie - your mom and my wife have something in common; both ended up in the ICU due to their last drink, both made the decision to embrace sobriety and both of our families are better for it.

You are right - it is not up to us, the family member, to get our loved one’s sober. They must want it for themselves.

All we can do is try to stay healthy ourselves - my path was through Al-Anon.

For those children of alcoholics - Al-Ateen can be a saving grace as well.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Step 7 - Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

I’ve always had difficulty asking for help.

I don’t want to bother others or be an inconvenience.

I don’t want others to know that I can’t handle situations on my own - that I am weak.

Step 4 allowed me to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself - allowed me to identify and understand my defects of character.

I now realize that I didn’t feel I was worthy of help from others - or my Higher Power.

Today, I realize that asking for help is not a sign of weakness.

By the time I reached Step 7, my connection with my Higher Power had strengthened.

I found myself not only willing to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understood him (Step 3), but also to consciously make the effort daily - I just wasn’t always successful.

With this, humbly asking Him to remove my shortcomings did not come easily.

I don’t think the issue was that I didn’t want my shortcomings removed or that I doubted my Higher Power would be there for me - but it was the “what ifs” that slowed my progress.

What if I ask Him to remove my shortcomings but I find myself slipping into old behaviors?

What if I have nothing left after my shortcomings are removed - who is the person I will become?

After all, my shortcomings weren’t learned overnight - most are defense mechanism crafted over a lifetime.

Through attending Al-Anon meetings and hearing the wisdom of others in the program, I’ve learned that if I am struggling with a step - I need to visit the preceding steps again.

For me, to truly gain comfort with Step 7 - I had to revisit Step 2 and Step 3 while making my request.

I needed to remind myself that my Higher Power could restore me to sanity - that I had made a commitment to turn my life over.

By revisiting these steps, I was finally able to ask for my shortcomings to be removed.

When in doubt, I have learned the answer is to ask.

The following are Step 7 related quotes from Courage To Change - One Day At A Time In Al-Anon II.

“I accept the fact that I need help in being restored to sanity, and that I cannot achieve this without help.” - The Dilemma Of The Alcoholic Marriage

“Before sunlight can shine through the window, the blinds must be raised.” - American Proverb

“Humbly’ means seeing myself in true relation to my fellow man and to God.” - Lois’ Story

“We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us - how we can take it, what we do with it - and that is what really counts in the end.” - Joseph Fort Newton

“Humility will help us see ourselves in true perspective and keep our minds open to the truth.” - Alcoholism, the Family Disease

“If my problems have brought me to prayer, then they have served a purpose.” - As We Understood….

“We didn’t necessarily get the results we wanted, but somehow we always seemed to get what we needed.” …In All Our Affairs

“Even if we have struggled with the idea of a Higher Power, we have learned that asking for help works…” …..In All Our Affairs

I hope that one of these quotes connected with you.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all of these defects of character.

By the time I started on my path to recovery, I had found myself in such despair that I felt I may never be happy again. I was tired, weak and was suffering from my own effects of alcoholism - the effects that go along with loving an alcoholic.

My life had changed and I felt as if I had become unrecognizable.

I had turned from being a person of self confidence that felt I had control over my life (and that of others) to being a person that was broken and felt that I may never put it all back together again.

Leading up to Step 6, I had admitted that I couldn’t (control alcoholism), God could and I would let him (Steps 1 - Steps 3). I looked inside myself and took inventory of the person had become (Step 4). I admitted to God, to myself and to another person the exact natures of my wrongs (Step 5).

By the time I reached Step 6, I realized that it was not only the alcoholic in my life that had traveled down the wrong path - I had as well.

Over the years, I had developed unhealthy coping mechanism; the sarcasm, the passive aggressiveness, the codependency, the enabling, the control I would pursue and the angles I worked to give myself a sense of being alright.

Step 6 allows me to cleanse myself of all these defects of character. I recognized that I too needed to change and I was ready for God to intervene.

The 12 Steps of Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous allow for progress and doesn’t require perfection.

In step 6, I have shed my defects of character but it still takes vigilance and work to move forward - to stay on the path of recovery.

I may slip from time to time, but today I can identify when I am falling into old behaviors and ask God to help me move past these character defects.

The following are Step 6 related quotes from Courage To Change - One Day At A Time In Al-Anon II.

“I accept the fact that I need help in being restored to sanity, and that I cannot achieve this without help.” - The Dilemma Of The Alcoholic Marriage

“Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised.” - American Proverb

“I know that help is waiting only for my acceptance, waiting for me to say, not my will but Thine be done.” - The Dilemma Of An Alcoholic Marraige

“God seldom delivers ….virtues wrapped in a package and ready for use. Rather He puts us in situations where by His help we can develop those virtues.” - C.R. Findley

“Remind me each day that the race is not always to the swift; that there is more to life than increasing its speed. Let me look upward into the towering oak and know that it grew great and strong because it grew slowly and well.” - Orin L. Crain

“Step six is my chance to cooperate with God. My goal is to make myself ready to let go of my faults and let God take care of the rest.” - Alateen - A Day At A Time

I hope that one of these quotes connected with you.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.