Most subscribers to Loving An Alcoholic know by now that I like to post twice a week. For the past week, I have been away from a connection that would allow me to upload content to the site.

It has been a good week with family and friends, and after a difficult day of travel - I’m back and connected.

Today’s post is going to highlight an e-mail that I received last week from a subscriber of Loving An Alcoholic - Bill P.

I’ve highlighted Bill’s writing in previous posts because I truly appreciate the way he is able to capture what this site is about - hope, strength and encouragement for family members and loved one’s of alcoholics and addicts - as well as the alcoholic or addict.

What I get from reading Bill’s thoughts is that he and his family understand that it takes acceptance, vigilance and hard work to be successful in recovery - not only for the alcoholic or addict but also for the family members and loved ones.

Bill’s note below is a response to “If An Alcoholic Is Unwilling To Get Help, What Can You Do About It?” posted on March 10th, 2009:

———————————–

Good morning Eric, happy spring (almost)!

Very good topic. As you know, I’m very close to my Dad and he’s been instrumental in my recovery.

He lives 100+ miles away but we are in close contact almost daily. Some days we just talk about the weather but almost always we share our gratefulness for my on-going recovery.

I truly know Dads involvement in Al-Anon has been a key component in his ability to attempt to understand my ‘cunning and baffling’ disease.

He has watched me go from a successful and prospering man to a homeless and lost person. He had no where else to turn and luckily found an Al-Anon group in his little town. With that he met other parents and people with loved ones struggling.

When he first joined, I was in real tough shape and felt with him going to that I was doomed (denial!). Yet whenever we talked (or cried) he showed understanding and hope. He never pushed me or degraded me. He educated himself as much as possible to help his 40 yr. old son who couldn’t foresee any future.

I know I speak often about my Dad (and step-Mom) but through Al-Anon and others like him, they saved my life and I am truly grateful.

I am working with two guys my age whose families are desperate. I have urged them to seek meetings and ‘try’ to be understanding.

I certainly never wanted to hurt anyone with my alcoholism and for a long time felt I was the only one hurting (self-pity). Yet now as the wonderful sober days grow I am shocked daily at the lives I’ve effected.

As you know, when I began the Steps, all that was asked of me was in my twelfth step is to help another alcoholic. I am now gratefully practicing that and with that I include encouragement to the families and friends that there lives are as fragile as the alcoholics.

I am a living example whose life is now going forward because of the support of others. Eric, I hope you have a great day. I think I’ll go call my Dad and wish him good morning!

———————————–

I agree with Bill - he is a living example, an example of hope, strength and encouragement.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

******PLEASE INDICATE IN YOUR EMAIL IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR THOUGHTS POSTED******

From time to time I like to reach out and find different perspective on issues that I’ve discussed on Loving An Alcoholic.

I feel comfortable sharing my experiences as a loved one of an alcoholic who has coped with the effects of alcoholism in my family – what I can’t speak to is the alcoholic or addict’s perception.

The following post comes from an article sharing site that I belong to.

It is written by Patrick Menins, a recovering addict and alcoholic who authors the Spiritual River website.

How can you best help a struggling addict or alcoholic? 

Gaining perspective from someone who has struggled with the disease is a start.

—————————————-

How can you best help a struggling addict or alcoholic? There are a number of things that you can do.

First, help yourself. This is an important first step for you. Often times, we are in a close relationship with a struggling addict, and living through this tough situation will wear you down. So the first step is to get some help yourself. The best place to do this is at an Al-Anon meeting. The people there know exactly what you are going through and can give you “expert” advice on how to best deal with the struggling addict in your life.

Learn about addiction. This is a critical step in your journey if you are to help an addict to find recovery. Understanding the disease model of addiction will be helpful in dealing both with the addict, as well as to guide some of your own behavior towards them. A great place to learn about addiction and alcoholism is, again, at Al-anon meetings.

Setting boundaries and limits. Another important tool in helping a struggling addict or alcoholic is to set boundaries. This is important for both your sanity as well as their recovery. First, you have to decide what is and what is not acceptable behavior on their part. For example, if they go to jail for drunk driving, is that acceptable to you? If not, then tell them, and let them know how you will react. (”I will not bail you out of jail any more.”). Do not make idle threats here; state your meaning and think things through and be very specific. Let them know that you are going to live outside of their madness and chaos.

Organize a formal intervention. If things continue to get worse, and nothing seems to help, then you might consider organizing a formal intervention. This is basically where you round up all of the family and friends of the struggling addict and confront him as a group and urge them to take some action (such as quit using or go to treatment). The details of planning an intervention are outside the scope of this article, but there is help available if you decide to go this route.

Is there a struggling addict or alcoholic in your life that you care about?

If so, then learn more about how about how to help an addict

Patrick Meninga is a recovering addict and alcoholic who authors the Spiritual River website about overcoming addiction.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Patrick_Meninga

—————————————-

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

The mission of Loving An Alcoholic is to provide hope, encouragement and resources to family members and those who love an alcoholic or addict.

As a reminder - you didn’t cause your loved one’s alcoholism or addiction, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it (the three C’s).

Finding and ultimately staying on the path of recovery is up to the alcoholic or addict in your life - and their Higher Power.

If an alcoholic is unwilling to get help, what can you do about it?

In today’s post, you will find some suggestions provided on the NIAAA (National Institute On Alcohol Abuse & Alcoholism) of the National Institutes of Health.

—————————————- 

This can be a challenge. An alcoholic can’t be forced to get help except under certain circumstances, such as a traffic violation or arrest that results in court-ordered treatment. But you don’t have to wait for someone to “hit rock bottom” to act. Many alcoholism treatment specialists suggest the following steps to help an alcoholic get treatment:

Stop all “cover ups.” Family members often make excuses to others or try to protect the alcoholic from the results of his or her drinking. It is important to stop covering for the alcoholic so that he or she experiences the full consequences of drinking.

Time your intervention. The best time to talk to the drinker is shortly after an alcohol-related problem has occurred–like a serious family argument or an accident. Choose a time when he or she is sober, both of you are fairly calm, and you have a chance to talk in private.

Be specific. Tell the family member that you are worried about his or her drinking. Use examples of the ways in which the drinking has caused problems, including the most recent incident.

State the results. Explain to the drinker what you will do if he or she doesn’t go for help–not to punish the drinker, but to protect yourself from his or her problems. What you say may range from refusing to go with the person to any social activity where alcohol will be served, to moving out of the house. Do not make any threats you are not prepared to carry out.

Get help. Gather information in advance about treatment options in your community. If the person is willing to get help, call immediately for an appointment with a treatment counselor. Offer to go with the family member on the first visit to a treatment program and/or an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

Call on a friend. If the family member still refuses to get help, ask a friend to talk with him or her using the steps just described. A friend who is a recovering alcoholic may be particularly persuasive, but any person who is caring and nonjudgmental may help. The intervention of more than one person, more than one time, is often necessary to coax an alcoholic to seek help.

Find strength in numbers. With the help of a health care professional, some families join with other relatives and friends to confront an alcoholic as a group. This approach should only be tried under the guidance of a health care professional who is experienced in this kind of group intervention.

Get support. It is important to remember that you are not alone. Support groups offered in most communities include Al-Anon, which holds regular meetings for spouses and other significant adults in an alcoholic’s life, and Alateen, which is geared to children of alcoholics. These groups help family members understand that they are not responsible for an alcoholic’s drinking and that they need to take steps to take care of themselves, regardless of whether the alcoholic family member chooses to get help.

You can call the National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service (Center for Substance Abuse Treatment) at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) for information about treatment programs in your local community and to speak to someone about an alcohol problem.

Link to NIAAA http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/FAQs/General-English/default.htm#disease

——————————————-

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.