After my wife's second attempt at sobriety, I started attending the Concerned Persons group at the hospital where she was participating in out-patient rehab. This experience helped me to realize that I was not alone in my experience, but I really wasn't getting everything out of this group that I should have.

I was there to show support for my wife instead of finding recovery for myself. I guess neither me or my wife were taking this opportunity as serious as we should have. We both graduated from our programs and in less than a week, my wife was back to drinking - I back to the person I would barely be able to recognize today.

This disease had its grips on my wife and was taking me along for the ride.

I knew I needed help and went back to the hospital to see what other support I could receive. I was handed a flyer with all of the Al-Anon meetings in my city. There must have been 100 meetings taking place all hours of the day and night. I had no idea this community existed but this community was waiting with open arms for me.

I drove around my city that night trying to find my first meeting. I had no idea what I was in for but I needed someone to listen to me, to let me know that everything would be alright.

I stopped at my first location, a church and went inside - empty! Under normal circumstances I would have been able to just let it go. These weren't normal circumstances. I despritely needed help to stop my free-fall.

photo credit: dibaer

 I found my second meeting and arrived about 15 minutes early. I walked in and saw a woman over in the corner making coffee. She greeted me and we walked to the meeting room. As I sat there she handed me a pamphlet that read “Al-Anon Is For Men”. I remember thinking, as I held this simple blue pamphlet, I was in the right place.

15 minutes later as the meeting began, I wasn’t so sure.

If “Al-Anon Is For Men”, I was in the wrong place. The meeting started and it was me and 35 woman sitting around a table. I don’t think I could have been more uncomfortable, maybe I was the only husband going through this. As the meeting ended, the group held hands, said a few words together including “Keep coming back it works if you work it”. I was grateful this group had taken me in and showed me kindness. I was able to see that others were living with alcoholics, in various stages of sobriety, and were able to find happiness in there lives.

I wasn’t sure if Al-Anon was for me.

As I was leaving, a woman pulled me aside to see if I was doing alright and suggested I try more meetings in the area. She assured me if this wasn’t the meeting for me, I would find one that fit, I only needed to “keep coming back”.

I can’t say that I immediately took her advice. For the next few months I didn’t return and my life became more and more unmanageable. It wasn’t until my wife’s third attempt at sobriety, which this time included Alcoholics Anonymous, that I finally found that Al-Anon was exactly what I needed to get healthy.

When my wife first started attending Alcoholics Anonymous, I would get so bitter that she seemed so happy. I was still holding on to the pain that my wife’s alcoholism had caused our family and I wasn’t ready to let go. She kept going back and things kept getting better and better - for her.

I made the decision it was time to change. My family dynamic had shifted from my children being worried about their mom, to my children being worried about me!

As I started the process, again, of finding a meeting, I told myself I would keep trying until I found one that fit. Like my wife, and like the advice I was given months earlier - I would keep going back. It took me trying two or three new meetings before I found what I consider my home meeting.

This meeting, although coed, primarily consisted of men. Al-Anon really was for men - there were others out there just like me.

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

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Today’s reading is from November 17, page 322 of Courage to Change - One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II. You can find this book under the “Literature” tab.

“Keep coming back”

For those of you who have been to an Al-anon meeting, you’ve undoubtedly heard these words, “Keep coming back”. Maybe a variation, “Keep coming back it works if you work it”. Man, it doesn’t get any simpler than that - all I have to do is keep coming back.

For many of us, we want to go to our first meeting and receive a checklist of do’s and don’ts. A cheat sheet on how to keep our alcoholics sober. The importance of coming back is to allow your self to grow. To realize that this journey isn’t so much about the alcoholic in your life but rather about you.

I mentioned on Friday that life got in the way and I wasn’t able to attend my “home” meeting - and I can tell. If I go too long without a meeting, I start to feel as if I’m take steps backwards, falling into old patterns and I start to lose my contact with my Higher Power. By simply showing up and talking about what is on my mind- putting myself out there, I feel cleansed, I feel connected and I don’t feel alone.

I am grateful to have Loving An Alcoholic as a new outlet. It forces me to focus on myself each day and to incorporate the daily reading into my daily perspective.

I encourage each of you to “Keep coming back”.

Let me know your thoughts, comments and suggestions.

God bless.

As I will leave each post - If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

You can find information on Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous under the “Resources” tab.