In the Alanon 12 step program you learn that you didn’t cause your loved one’s alcoholism, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it. This is also known as the three C’s. It was slogans like these that use to drive me crazy.

I could grasp that I didn’t cause my wife’s alcoholism, but I can’t control it? I can’t cure it? What do you mean  I can’t control it or cure it? I can fix anything!

In my mind, part of being an adult was taking responsibility for yourself and your family. I felt it was my job to get my wife back on the right path, after all, she wasn’t doing a very good job of it on her own. It was my job to take control of the situation.

As I work the 12 step program that Alanon offers me, some concepts come to me faster than others. Some I find easy to apply to my attitude towards my wife’s alcoholism and some I struggle with applying to my everyday life. Accepting the idea that I couldn’t control my wife’s drinking or cure her alcoholism came slow.

photo credit: wilttipöö

It really wasn’t until my wife hit her bottom, lying in the ICU, that I was able to detach and give up the idea that I had any power over this disease. I finally felt as if I had no control over her actions, therefore I wasn’t responsible. This was liberating but it was the case all along, I just couldn’t see it.

This journey was hers and hers alone. She would have to find her bottom and she, with the grace of God, would have to find her way back.

Today, I know that I don’t have any control over my wife’s drinking. I feel blessed that her Higher Power and the support she receives in Alcoholics Anonymous have kept her sober for 3 years. Although my wife has not relapsed, I can’t say the same.

I look back to my behavior while my wife was an active alcoholic and I’m not always proud of the decisions I made or the actions I took. When I say that I have relapsed, what I mean is that from time to time I slip back into my own destructive patterns. I look to control others, to lash out when I feel vulnerable, to indulge my codependent tendencies.

Today I am cognizant of my relapses. When I began this journey I would not have been. Through the Alanon 12 step program I have the tools, through meetings and literature, to identify my shortcomings and try to grow from my mistakes.

The beuty of a 12 step program, like you will find in Alanon or your loved one will find in Alcoholics Anonymous, is that it is truely “One Day At A Time”. I may have slipped today, but tomorrow I am given a new start.

As long as I learn from the mistakes I made today, I know I will be a better, healthier person.

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Alanon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Custom Search