The alcoholic in my life has stopped drinking - what now?

For many of us, we couldn’t ask for anything more - for the alcoholic in our lives to stop drinking.

When my wife was active, I would think that if she would only stop, that everything would be alright. We could go back to being a family again - all would return back to normal.

I’ve mentioned many times that I was pretty naive about alcoholism and the affects the disease had on me, my wife and my family.

This too was another example of my naivety.

When my wife found recovery - I immediately saw the overwhelming change occurring in her.

She was taking her life back - and a lot of her taking her life back excluded me.

I was sitting on the sidelines stuck in the same place I had been for sometime - confused, scared and without direction.

My prayers had been answered but there was still a void within me.

My wife had made the decision to choose sobriety but I was still holding on to old behaviors - still holding on to the thought that this was my wife’s disease instead of coming to terms with alcoholism as the family disease.

As I started to work on my own recovery through reading literature, contemplating the slogans and attending Al-Anon meetings - the void began to fill. I was starting to get healthy again.

I look back from time to time and regret that I hadn’t found this path sooner - while my wife was actively drinking. I can only imagine how I would have handled things differently. I’m sure my lows wouldn’t have been low and my reactions wouldn’t have been as strong.

As I gain experience in my own personal recovery from codependency, the need to control and the need to enable - I’ve witnessed a common mistake many of us who love an alcoholic make.

The alcoholic in my life has stopped drinking - what now?

For some, the answer to this question is to take a break from our path of recovery.

Think about this - the alcoholic in your life is finally on the path after all of this time, your prayers have been answered, and now we have decided to a break.

How does this make sense?

Today, I realize that I have work to do regardless if my wife is sober or actively drinking. When I am not active in my own recovery program - I start to slip into old behaviors.

The self-pity and self-doubt become more a part of my life.

Why would I want to go back to that when I have a choice? The choice for me is simple - to make the literature and regular Al-Anon meetings a part of my life.

Like the alcoholic - I realize that if I don’t go to meetings and I don’t put in the work, it is easy for me to slip.

When I go to bed an night, I sleep better knowing that my wife is working a good recovery program.

Why would I ask anything less of myself?

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Staying Grounded In Recovery

I am not a person that finds serenity easily. My mind wanders, I go down paths that I know are destructive - I fall into bad behaviors that contribute to my defects of character.

Serenity is work for me.

I’d like to just blame these bad behaviors on my Irish blood - but that would too easy.

My first reaction is usually to control the situation. I anticipate worse case scenarios and go into action. I become critical of others, deflecting the real issues I am hiding from.

I am a codependent - I have a hard time staying focused on myself and supplement the void by living vicariously through my family members. Their success is my success, but even worse, their failures are mine - so my natural reaction is to not let them fail.

photo credit: Le Enfant Terrible®

Placing descriptions of my shortcomings onto a post in this fashion makes me cringe. I don’t want to be the person I describe but it takes time to unravel a lifetime of these behaviors.

I can’t move forward without being open and honest with myself.

For some, self awareness may be enough. For me, I need the support of a recovery community like Al-Anon. I need to carve out time in my life to read literature like Courage To Change or How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics.

I mention these two books because Courage To Change was the first book on recovery I read, and still read daily. How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics is the book I am currently reading.

This is what keeps me grounded - meetings and literature.

Without these tools, I quickly fall back to the old me - the me that fell apart along side of my wife as she was actively drinking. The me that becomes full of resentments when my family doesn’t live up to my unrealistic expectations.

Prior to starting on my journey of recovery, you wouldn’t catch me reading a book on self improvement or expressing my feelings with others. I just didn’t understand the sense of cleansing that each of these activities bring.

If I go to a meeting and share, or if I post my defects in a blog, they are out there - I can’t take them back. I’m working through my issues with the hope that I am making progress.

If I pick up a new book on recovery, I have a chance to read someone else’s perspective on an issue I may be working through. This allows me to sharpen my views - to focus the random thoughts in my head.

If you are going it alone - I’d encourage you to try a meeting. If you are not ready for a meeting - find some Al-Anon literature and start reading.

Do you have a topic you would liked discussed on Loving An Alcoholic? Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

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It is the time of the year that I need to make an extra effort to stay connected to my Higher Power.

Between the cold weather, the shorter days, the sneezing and coughing that creeps in, it is easy to get disconnected - to feel vulnerable and alone.

photo credit: Ian Muttoo

For some, this time of the year also carries additional concerns; the office parties, the extended family, the “what ifs” that go along with the holidays and our alcoholic loved ones.

It’s an easy time of the year to slip.

If you are feeling this way, ask yourself if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired.

“HALT”

One of these symptoms probably apply - address which ever one applies and see if it doesn’t help you regain perspective.

Do you have a topic you would liked discussed on Loving An Alcoholic? Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

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