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Today’s reading is from November 24, page 329 of Courage to Change - One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II. You can find this book under the “Literature” tab.

Step 10 “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it”.

When my wife was actively drinking, I found myself constantly engaging in conversations that I walked away form feeling as if I had somehow cheapened myself. I was looking to bring up other’s shortcomings in a way to deflect the issues I had going on in my life.

Misery loves company? Well if I couldn’t find company, I was going to engage in some misery.

This was out of my character, but a lot of things I said and did while my wife was drinking was out of my character. I was losing myself as all of my focus, when I was with my wife, was on her alcoholism. When I was away from my wife, my focus was on trying to make myself feel better at someone else’s expense.

Step 10 reminds me to steer clear of such actions. My focus shouldn’t have been on my alcoholic, it shouldn’t have been on others, it needed to be on me to get healthy again, to reconnect with myself.

Step 10 allows me to take my personal inventory, to look at myself and make an honest assessment of what I see. To not be ashamed of who I am and challenge myself to strive for daily improvement.

“And when we were wrong promptly admitted it”. This was such a hard thing to do when I felt like I had to get everything right to keep my family together. What a horrible way to live life - to not feel as if I could make mistakes. That is how many of us feel when we are living with active alcoholics. My loved one was making enough mistakes for the both of us, how can I afford to make any of my own?

The greatest experiences in life can be learned through our mistakes. When my wife was actively drinking, my mistake was thinking I could control her drinking, that I could keep it all together, that I had the ability to make her stop. Today I am happy to admit the mistakes I made while I was trying to find recovery. I acknowledge that I am wiser due to these mistakes. I can now look back and feel blessed that I have connected with my Higher Power. I can turn my inventory over to him, knowing that I am moving my life forward.

As I will leave each post - If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

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