Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and or lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

In my last post, I discussed Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Step 2 gives us hope that there is something out there that can get us healthy again - to guide us on our path of recovery.

Step 3 fulfills the slogan: I can’t (Step 1), God can (Step 2) and I’ll let Him (Step 3).
When it comes to loving the alcoholic in our lives, it is easy to pretend that we know what is best. We want the person we love whole again, we want it on our terms and we want it now.

I know I did anyway.

As I forced the issue and placed expectations on my wife and her recovery, I found my self disappointed again and again. My frustration grew and my health deteriorated.

It wasn’t until I was able to come to terms with the limits of my own understanding of this disease that I was able to turn my love and my fear over to my Higher Power and let Him take care my wife.

It was no longer my responsibility to force her recovery - I had turned my will over.

The transformation within Step 3 can be powerful and scary.

For me, it was the first time that I taken a step back - allowed things to unfold as they should.

As I became more comfortable with the concept of Step 3, I felt the pain dissipate.

I felt for the first time, in a long time - that everything was going to be okay.

The following are Step 3 related quotes from Courage To Change - One Day At A Time In Al-Anon II.

I hope you find one that allows you to connect.

“Decision is a risk rooted in the courage of being free.” - Paul Tillich

“Step 3 suggests I teach myself, from this moment on, to be receptive, to open myself to help from my Higher Power.” - Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

“God’s gifts put man’s best dreams to shame.”- Elizabeth Barrett Brownling

“…..time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain, therefore, awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters.” - Plato

“I have held many things in my hands. and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.” - Martin Luther

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end.” - As We Understood…

“There are no guarantees that life will turn out the way we would like, but the program has shown me God’s will is the only way; it is up to me to work with Him and turn my life and will over to His care and guidance.” - In All Our Affairs

Do you have a topic you would liked discussed on Loving An Alcoholic or have comments related to today’s post?

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Today’s reading is from November 16, page 321 of Courage to Change - One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II. You can find this book under the “Literature” tab.

Step 3 encourages us to turn our will and lives over to God as we understood Him.

Growing up, I was self aware that I carried a spiritual void. I wanted to connect with a Higher Power but didn’t want to force this relationship. I felt if I made statements like “God bless” or “I’ll pray for you”, that I would be a hypocrite since I didn’t truly have that spiritual calling.

I always felt that I could control any situation or influence any outcome. With this mindset, why would I need to make the connection? It wasn’t until I was faced with my wife’s alcoholism that I found my spirituality. I was faced with a situation I couldn’t understand, let alone control. My life had become unmanageable. I found myself trying to carry the weight of my wife’s drinking, the needs of my infant daughter and pre-teen son. My career was unclear since I was forced to resign a traveling position.

Some days I could barely get out of bed.

I knew I needed help, that I couldn’t do this alone - so I went to my first Al-anon meeting and found that  there was an entire community just like me. I realized that it was OK to turn all of my fears over to my Higher Power. It was OK to let go of control.

Imagine the immediate relief to know that I didn’t have to carry the weight of my wife’s drinking any longer - it was in God’s hands. I was now able to focus on the important things - my family and getting myself healthy again. Whether or not my wife drinks is not up to me. It is between her and her Higher Power. The only thing I can control is myself - everything else - now - goes to God.

As I will leave each post - If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

You can find information on Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous under the “Resources” tab.

I don’t have time to post tonight so I thought I would leave an e-mail I received today from my wife:

“Sorry to hear you are having a crappy day. Keep telling yourself that it’s gonna get better. Ask God to help you with this. Then think of something you have to look forward to when you get home. Like beef kabobs. This has seriously been working for me. Don’t forget to ask God for help. God helps remind me of what I have to be grateful for. That always cheers me up.”

A little perspective goes a long way.