Last night I attended my Friday night Al-Anon meeting.

We typically pick a random topic from Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II. At the first meeting of the month, we read passages from the step that corresponds to the month we’ve just entered.

For May, that would be Step 5.

Step 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being, the exact natures of our wrongs.

Prior to my turn at reading (I read page page 159), I really didn’t have any pressing issues I felt needed to be discussed.

I’d had a pretty good week - I was able to keep life’s stresses at bay and was generally pleased with the way I’d carried myself since my last meeting.

What I love about attending Al-Anon is reading a passage to the group, having no idea what emotions will be exposed and learning something new about myself. To me, the purpose of Step 5 is to be honest with myself about who I am - to look inside and share what I find with another person.

The sharing is what allows me to move on - to put my issues into perspective. Once I’m able to articulate the thoughts swirling around in my head - they don’t seem nearly as bad.

The paragraph that struck me from page 159 is as follows:

“The order of these words, placing God first, then myself, and then someone else struck, me. So often I have been vaguely aware of some truth in my life that I was unwilling to admit to myself. Yet my Higher Power had already place that thought in my mind. He must have - if I’m trying to ignore it, I surely didn’t put it there.”

I started thinking about that vague nagging thought that enters my head from time to time - the one that makes me go into “fix-it” mode before there is anything to fix.

This thought has to do with my son.

I find myself to be a very hands on dad (confession from a recovering co-dependent). There is obviously nothing wrong with being hands on as long as it is coming from the right place.

Where I find myself going into overdrive is when this vague thought creeps in - the one my Higher Power has given me to interpret.

The thought is when I look at my son in certain situations, although he has never had a drink or tried drugs, I see an alcoholic or addict.

I see the characteristics and behaviors in my teen that I saw in my wife when she was active. To a muted extent - I see the same reactions in myself - the enabling, negotiating, justifying, avoiding.

Why would my Higher Power put this thought into my mind? Why would page 159 be my reading?

Although I had no pressing issues when I entered my Friday Al-Anon meeting - I was happy to have the opportunity to share this thought with the group and work through how I handle this going forward.

What I found, when I looked inside, was that I was trying to place controls to fix a problem that had not occurred and may never occur - all the time creating friction where there was no need to do so.

Will my son, or daughter for that matter, struggle with alcoholism or addiction? I pray they don’t.

However, through Al-Anon I know this is out of my control - I can only control myself and my reactions.

I can keep healthy through attending meetings, looking closer at myself and leveraging the experience within the walls of Al-Anon.

I can show my children the right path through my example - however, I can’t force them to take my lead.

Through living a recovery lifestyle with my wife - I can remind them of the path if they fall. They have grown up in this community and it will be there if they ever need it.

What I can’t do is control the decisions my children will make throughout their lives.

By understanding what is driving my reactions to my son’s behaviors - I can put my feelings in perspective and remind myself that for today, everything is alright.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

******PLEASE INDICATE IN YOUR EMAIL IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR THOUGHTS POSTED******

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Before finding recovery, I would keep all of my fears and anxieties related to the alcoholic in my life locked away inside my thoughts. 

I had trouble connecting with myself - difficulty looking inside to address the issues that were keeping me from moving forward - that were keeping me from getting healthy again.
I didn’t want others to know what was going on - to know that my family was falling apart and that my life was spinning out of control.

I didn’t want others to know that I too had become sick along side of my wife - that I needed help.

I felt isolated, scared and completely vulnerable.

When I keep my troubles inside, I find that my mind wanders. I tend to go down paths that may become distorted. I find it difficult to see clearly and often slip into old defects of character.

Today I know that I need to put my thoughts into words. I need to say what I am thinking and put my fears, anxieties and worries out into space. I need to be real with myself - this is the only way I can move forward in recovery.

I need to understand my character defects and admit the exact natures of my wrongs to my God and to another person.

By verbalizing what is going on inside, I am able to cleanse myself. I find what I thought was a problem may not be so bad. If I can speak to my defects of character, I can work through them - I can make the necessary changes.

I find perspective.

One of the greatest gifts Al-Anon provides me is a supportive group that allows me to say what is on my mind - what I am going through and what I need to work on - without judgement.

I receive unconditional support - the same support I provide others.

My Al-Anon group allows me the freedom to be the real me that I don’t always feel I can be in the real world.

The hour that I am at a meeting provides me the opportunity to leave my troubles behind and focus on the hope, strength and encouragement found within the walls.

All I have to do is share - to admit to God, to myself and the others in the room the exact nature of my wrongs.

This release of my troubles, fears, hopes and dreams allows me to move forward - to grow.

For that I am grateful.

The following are Step 5 related quotes from Courage To Change - One Day At A Time In Al-Anon II.

“When we take Step 5, we demonstrate a willingness to change.”  - In All Our Affairs

“Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised.”  - American Proverb

“Deep down I had a nagging knowledge that there would be no relief from myself until I could bring my problem out into the open and talk to someone else about it….”  - As We Understood

“Look within - the secret is inside you.”  - Hui-neng

“There is no better way to keep our spiritual benefits than by giving them away with love, free of expectations, and with no strings attached.”  - In All Our Affairs

I hope that one of these quotes connected with you.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.