The mission of Loving An Alcoholic is to provide hope, encouragement and resources to family members and those who love an alcoholic or addict.

As a reminder - you didn’t cause your loved one’s alcoholism or addiction, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it (the three C’s).

Finding and ultimately staying on the path of recovery is up to the alcoholic or addict in your life - and their Higher Power.

If an alcoholic is unwilling to get help, what can you do about it?

In today’s post, you will find some suggestions provided on the NIAAA (National Institute On Alcohol Abuse & Alcoholism) of the National Institutes of Health.

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This can be a challenge. An alcoholic can’t be forced to get help except under certain circumstances, such as a traffic violation or arrest that results in court-ordered treatment. But you don’t have to wait for someone to “hit rock bottom” to act. Many alcoholism treatment specialists suggest the following steps to help an alcoholic get treatment:

Stop all “cover ups.” Family members often make excuses to others or try to protect the alcoholic from the results of his or her drinking. It is important to stop covering for the alcoholic so that he or she experiences the full consequences of drinking.

Time your intervention. The best time to talk to the drinker is shortly after an alcohol-related problem has occurred–like a serious family argument or an accident. Choose a time when he or she is sober, both of you are fairly calm, and you have a chance to talk in private.

Be specific. Tell the family member that you are worried about his or her drinking. Use examples of the ways in which the drinking has caused problems, including the most recent incident.

State the results. Explain to the drinker what you will do if he or she doesn’t go for help–not to punish the drinker, but to protect yourself from his or her problems. What you say may range from refusing to go with the person to any social activity where alcohol will be served, to moving out of the house. Do not make any threats you are not prepared to carry out.

Get help. Gather information in advance about treatment options in your community. If the person is willing to get help, call immediately for an appointment with a treatment counselor. Offer to go with the family member on the first visit to a treatment program and/or an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

Call on a friend. If the family member still refuses to get help, ask a friend to talk with him or her using the steps just described. A friend who is a recovering alcoholic may be particularly persuasive, but any person who is caring and nonjudgmental may help. The intervention of more than one person, more than one time, is often necessary to coax an alcoholic to seek help.

Find strength in numbers. With the help of a health care professional, some families join with other relatives and friends to confront an alcoholic as a group. This approach should only be tried under the guidance of a health care professional who is experienced in this kind of group intervention.

Get support. It is important to remember that you are not alone. Support groups offered in most communities include Al-Anon, which holds regular meetings for spouses and other significant adults in an alcoholic’s life, and Alateen, which is geared to children of alcoholics. These groups help family members understand that they are not responsible for an alcoholic’s drinking and that they need to take steps to take care of themselves, regardless of whether the alcoholic family member chooses to get help.

You can call the National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service (Center for Substance Abuse Treatment) at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) for information about treatment programs in your local community and to speak to someone about an alcohol problem.

Link to NIAAA http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/FAQs/General-English/default.htm#disease

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Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Step 7 - Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

I’ve always had difficulty asking for help.

I don’t want to bother others or be an inconvenience.

I don’t want others to know that I can’t handle situations on my own - that I am weak.

Step 4 allowed me to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself - allowed me to identify and understand my defects of character.

I now realize that I didn’t feel I was worthy of help from others - or my Higher Power.

Today, I realize that asking for help is not a sign of weakness.

By the time I reached Step 7, my connection with my Higher Power had strengthened.

I found myself not only willing to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understood him (Step 3), but also to consciously make the effort daily - I just wasn’t always successful.

With this, humbly asking Him to remove my shortcomings did not come easily.

I don’t think the issue was that I didn’t want my shortcomings removed or that I doubted my Higher Power would be there for me - but it was the “what ifs” that slowed my progress.

What if I ask Him to remove my shortcomings but I find myself slipping into old behaviors?

What if I have nothing left after my shortcomings are removed - who is the person I will become?

After all, my shortcomings weren’t learned overnight - most are defense mechanism crafted over a lifetime.

Through attending Al-Anon meetings and hearing the wisdom of others in the program, I’ve learned that if I am struggling with a step - I need to visit the preceding steps again.

For me, to truly gain comfort with Step 7 - I had to revisit Step 2 and Step 3 while making my request.

I needed to remind myself that my Higher Power could restore me to sanity - that I had made a commitment to turn my life over.

By revisiting these steps, I was finally able to ask for my shortcomings to be removed.

When in doubt, I have learned the answer is to ask.

The following are Step 7 related quotes from Courage To Change - One Day At A Time In Al-Anon II.

“I accept the fact that I need help in being restored to sanity, and that I cannot achieve this without help.” - The Dilemma Of The Alcoholic Marriage

“Before sunlight can shine through the window, the blinds must be raised.” - American Proverb

“Humbly’ means seeing myself in true relation to my fellow man and to God.” - Lois’ Story

“We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us - how we can take it, what we do with it - and that is what really counts in the end.” - Joseph Fort Newton

“Humility will help us see ourselves in true perspective and keep our minds open to the truth.” - Alcoholism, the Family Disease

“If my problems have brought me to prayer, then they have served a purpose.” - As We Understood….

“We didn’t necessarily get the results we wanted, but somehow we always seemed to get what we needed.” …In All Our Affairs

“Even if we have struggled with the idea of a Higher Power, we have learned that asking for help works…” …..In All Our Affairs

I hope that one of these quotes connected with you.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

In my last post I discussed Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. The first step on our path to recovery - but now what?

So we’ve given up the thought that we could control our alcoholic’s actions - our burden was lifted. We took a look in the mirror and accepted that we aren’t super human - our lives had indeed become more than we could handle.

If this was a one step program it would be easy to continue down the same path of despair most of us were on.

Step 2 gives us hope that if we have faith, our Higher Power can get us healthy again - we can get our lives back.

For me, this was easier said than done.

Prior to realizing that my wife’s alcoholism had taken hold, I didn’t feel there was any problem I couldn’t solve or any situation to difficult to handle.

With this belief, why would I need a Higher Power?

I followed this way of thinking for 33 years - change wasn’t going to happen overnight.

Thankfully, in short order, I realized that I was in over my head and I was willing to put in motion whatever necessary to take my life back - to fill the shell I had become.

In Al-Anon, I came to believe and slowly but surely my sanity was restored.

What I truly appreciate about the 12 Steps of Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous is that I can define what my Higher Power is to me. I’m not beholden to a religous belief, instead I can explore my spirituality without worry that I will be judged.

This, to me is the silver lining that came with loving my alcoholic, my wife - I was finally able to connect with my Higher Power.

The following are Step 2 related quotes from Courage To Change - One Day At A Time In Al-Anon II:

“If we do not change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are heading.” - Ancient Chinese Proverb

“Our business in life is not to get ahead of other people, but to get ahead of ourselves.”  - Maltbie D. Babcock

“Finding inner strength is looking beyond the visible and focusing life’s search on the unseen.” - As We Understood

“When I have at last realized that my problems are too big to solve myself…I need not be alone with them if I am willing to accept help from a Higher Power.” - Al-Anon’s 12 Steps & 12 Traditions

“As long as you live, keep learning how to live.”  - Senica

“I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving.” - Oliver Wendell Homes   

Do you have a topic you would liked discussed on Loving An Alcoholic or have comments related to today’s post?

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.