Most subscribers to Loving An Alcoholic know by now that I like to post twice a week. For the past week, I have been away from a connection that would allow me to upload content to the site.

It has been a good week with family and friends, and after a difficult day of travel - I’m back and connected.

Today’s post is going to highlight an e-mail that I received last week from a subscriber of Loving An Alcoholic - Bill P.

I’ve highlighted Bill’s writing in previous posts because I truly appreciate the way he is able to capture what this site is about - hope, strength and encouragement for family members and loved one’s of alcoholics and addicts - as well as the alcoholic or addict.

What I get from reading Bill’s thoughts is that he and his family understand that it takes acceptance, vigilance and hard work to be successful in recovery - not only for the alcoholic or addict but also for the family members and loved ones.

Bill’s note below is a response to “If An Alcoholic Is Unwilling To Get Help, What Can You Do About It?” posted on March 10th, 2009:

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Good morning Eric, happy spring (almost)!

Very good topic. As you know, I’m very close to my Dad and he’s been instrumental in my recovery.

He lives 100+ miles away but we are in close contact almost daily. Some days we just talk about the weather but almost always we share our gratefulness for my on-going recovery.

I truly know Dads involvement in Al-Anon has been a key component in his ability to attempt to understand my ‘cunning and baffling’ disease.

He has watched me go from a successful and prospering man to a homeless and lost person. He had no where else to turn and luckily found an Al-Anon group in his little town. With that he met other parents and people with loved ones struggling.

When he first joined, I was in real tough shape and felt with him going to that I was doomed (denial!). Yet whenever we talked (or cried) he showed understanding and hope. He never pushed me or degraded me. He educated himself as much as possible to help his 40 yr. old son who couldn’t foresee any future.

I know I speak often about my Dad (and step-Mom) but through Al-Anon and others like him, they saved my life and I am truly grateful.

I am working with two guys my age whose families are desperate. I have urged them to seek meetings and ‘try’ to be understanding.

I certainly never wanted to hurt anyone with my alcoholism and for a long time felt I was the only one hurting (self-pity). Yet now as the wonderful sober days grow I am shocked daily at the lives I’ve effected.

As you know, when I began the Steps, all that was asked of me was in my twelfth step is to help another alcoholic. I am now gratefully practicing that and with that I include encouragement to the families and friends that there lives are as fragile as the alcoholics.

I am a living example whose life is now going forward because of the support of others. Eric, I hope you have a great day. I think I’ll go call my Dad and wish him good morning!

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I agree with Bill - he is a living example, an example of hope, strength and encouragement.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

******PLEASE INDICATE IN YOUR EMAIL IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR THOUGHTS POSTED******

The mission of Loving An Alcoholic is to provide hope, encouragement and resources to family members and those who love an alcoholic or addict.

As a reminder - you didn’t cause your loved one’s alcoholism or addiction, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it (the three C’s).

Finding and ultimately staying on the path of recovery is up to the alcoholic or addict in your life - and their Higher Power.

If an alcoholic is unwilling to get help, what can you do about it?

In today’s post, you will find some suggestions provided on the NIAAA (National Institute On Alcohol Abuse & Alcoholism) of the National Institutes of Health.

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This can be a challenge. An alcoholic can’t be forced to get help except under certain circumstances, such as a traffic violation or arrest that results in court-ordered treatment. But you don’t have to wait for someone to “hit rock bottom” to act. Many alcoholism treatment specialists suggest the following steps to help an alcoholic get treatment:

Stop all “cover ups.” Family members often make excuses to others or try to protect the alcoholic from the results of his or her drinking. It is important to stop covering for the alcoholic so that he or she experiences the full consequences of drinking.

Time your intervention. The best time to talk to the drinker is shortly after an alcohol-related problem has occurred–like a serious family argument or an accident. Choose a time when he or she is sober, both of you are fairly calm, and you have a chance to talk in private.

Be specific. Tell the family member that you are worried about his or her drinking. Use examples of the ways in which the drinking has caused problems, including the most recent incident.

State the results. Explain to the drinker what you will do if he or she doesn’t go for help–not to punish the drinker, but to protect yourself from his or her problems. What you say may range from refusing to go with the person to any social activity where alcohol will be served, to moving out of the house. Do not make any threats you are not prepared to carry out.

Get help. Gather information in advance about treatment options in your community. If the person is willing to get help, call immediately for an appointment with a treatment counselor. Offer to go with the family member on the first visit to a treatment program and/or an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

Call on a friend. If the family member still refuses to get help, ask a friend to talk with him or her using the steps just described. A friend who is a recovering alcoholic may be particularly persuasive, but any person who is caring and nonjudgmental may help. The intervention of more than one person, more than one time, is often necessary to coax an alcoholic to seek help.

Find strength in numbers. With the help of a health care professional, some families join with other relatives and friends to confront an alcoholic as a group. This approach should only be tried under the guidance of a health care professional who is experienced in this kind of group intervention.

Get support. It is important to remember that you are not alone. Support groups offered in most communities include Al-Anon, which holds regular meetings for spouses and other significant adults in an alcoholic’s life, and Alateen, which is geared to children of alcoholics. These groups help family members understand that they are not responsible for an alcoholic’s drinking and that they need to take steps to take care of themselves, regardless of whether the alcoholic family member chooses to get help.

You can call the National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service (Center for Substance Abuse Treatment) at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) for information about treatment programs in your local community and to speak to someone about an alcohol problem.

Link to NIAAA http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/FAQs/General-English/default.htm#disease

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Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

The alcoholic in my life has stopped drinking - what now?

For many of us, we couldn’t ask for anything more - for the alcoholic in our lives to stop drinking.

When my wife was active, I would think that if she would only stop, that everything would be alright. We could go back to being a family again - all would return back to normal.

I’ve mentioned many times that I was pretty naive about alcoholism and the affects the disease had on me, my wife and my family.

This too was another example of my naivety.

When my wife found recovery - I immediately saw the overwhelming change occurring in her.

She was taking her life back - and a lot of her taking her life back excluded me.

I was sitting on the sidelines stuck in the same place I had been for sometime - confused, scared and without direction.

My prayers had been answered but there was still a void within me.

My wife had made the decision to choose sobriety but I was still holding on to old behaviors - still holding on to the thought that this was my wife’s disease instead of coming to terms with alcoholism as the family disease.

As I started to work on my own recovery through reading literature, contemplating the slogans and attending Al-Anon meetings - the void began to fill. I was starting to get healthy again.

I look back from time to time and regret that I hadn’t found this path sooner - while my wife was actively drinking. I can only imagine how I would have handled things differently. I’m sure my lows wouldn’t have been low and my reactions wouldn’t have been as strong.

As I gain experience in my own personal recovery from codependency, the need to control and the need to enable - I’ve witnessed a common mistake many of us who love an alcoholic make.

The alcoholic in my life has stopped drinking - what now?

For some, the answer to this question is to take a break from our path of recovery.

Think about this - the alcoholic in your life is finally on the path after all of this time, your prayers have been answered, and now we have decided to a break.

How does this make sense?

Today, I realize that I have work to do regardless if my wife is sober or actively drinking. When I am not active in my own recovery program - I start to slip into old behaviors.

The self-pity and self-doubt become more a part of my life.

Why would I want to go back to that when I have a choice? The choice for me is simple - to make the literature and regular Al-Anon meetings a part of my life.

Like the alcoholic - I realize that if I don’t go to meetings and I don’t put in the work, it is easy for me to slip.

When I go to bed an night, I sleep better knowing that my wife is working a good recovery program.

Why would I ask anything less of myself?

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.