From time to time I like to reach out and find different perspective on issues that I’ve discussed on Loving An Alcoholic.

I feel comfortable sharing my experiences as a loved one of an alcoholic who has coped with the effects of alcoholism in my family – what I can’t speak to is the alcoholic or addict’s perception.

The following post comes from an article sharing site that I belong to.

It is written by Patrick Menins, a recovering addict and alcoholic who authors the Spiritual River website.

How can you best help a struggling addict or alcoholic? 

Gaining perspective from someone who has struggled with the disease is a start.

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How can you best help a struggling addict or alcoholic? There are a number of things that you can do.

First, help yourself. This is an important first step for you. Often times, we are in a close relationship with a struggling addict, and living through this tough situation will wear you down. So the first step is to get some help yourself. The best place to do this is at an Al-Anon meeting. The people there know exactly what you are going through and can give you “expert” advice on how to best deal with the struggling addict in your life.

Learn about addiction. This is a critical step in your journey if you are to help an addict to find recovery. Understanding the disease model of addiction will be helpful in dealing both with the addict, as well as to guide some of your own behavior towards them. A great place to learn about addiction and alcoholism is, again, at Al-anon meetings.

Setting boundaries and limits. Another important tool in helping a struggling addict or alcoholic is to set boundaries. This is important for both your sanity as well as their recovery. First, you have to decide what is and what is not acceptable behavior on their part. For example, if they go to jail for drunk driving, is that acceptable to you? If not, then tell them, and let them know how you will react. (”I will not bail you out of jail any more.”). Do not make idle threats here; state your meaning and think things through and be very specific. Let them know that you are going to live outside of their madness and chaos.

Organize a formal intervention. If things continue to get worse, and nothing seems to help, then you might consider organizing a formal intervention. This is basically where you round up all of the family and friends of the struggling addict and confront him as a group and urge them to take some action (such as quit using or go to treatment). The details of planning an intervention are outside the scope of this article, but there is help available if you decide to go this route.

Is there a struggling addict or alcoholic in your life that you care about?

If so, then learn more about how about how to help an addict

Patrick Meninga is a recovering addict and alcoholic who authors the Spiritual River website about overcoming addiction.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Patrick_Meninga

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Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

The alcoholic in my life has stopped drinking - what now?

For many of us, we couldn’t ask for anything more - for the alcoholic in our lives to stop drinking.

When my wife was active, I would think that if she would only stop, that everything would be alright. We could go back to being a family again - all would return back to normal.

I’ve mentioned many times that I was pretty naive about alcoholism and the affects the disease had on me, my wife and my family.

This too was another example of my naivety.

When my wife found recovery - I immediately saw the overwhelming change occurring in her.

She was taking her life back - and a lot of her taking her life back excluded me.

I was sitting on the sidelines stuck in the same place I had been for sometime - confused, scared and without direction.

My prayers had been answered but there was still a void within me.

My wife had made the decision to choose sobriety but I was still holding on to old behaviors - still holding on to the thought that this was my wife’s disease instead of coming to terms with alcoholism as the family disease.

As I started to work on my own recovery through reading literature, contemplating the slogans and attending Al-Anon meetings - the void began to fill. I was starting to get healthy again.

I look back from time to time and regret that I hadn’t found this path sooner - while my wife was actively drinking. I can only imagine how I would have handled things differently. I’m sure my lows wouldn’t have been low and my reactions wouldn’t have been as strong.

As I gain experience in my own personal recovery from codependency, the need to control and the need to enable - I’ve witnessed a common mistake many of us who love an alcoholic make.

The alcoholic in my life has stopped drinking - what now?

For some, the answer to this question is to take a break from our path of recovery.

Think about this - the alcoholic in your life is finally on the path after all of this time, your prayers have been answered, and now we have decided to a break.

How does this make sense?

Today, I realize that I have work to do regardless if my wife is sober or actively drinking. When I am not active in my own recovery program - I start to slip into old behaviors.

The self-pity and self-doubt become more a part of my life.

Why would I want to go back to that when I have a choice? The choice for me is simple - to make the literature and regular Al-Anon meetings a part of my life.

Like the alcoholic - I realize that if I don’t go to meetings and I don’t put in the work, it is easy for me to slip.

When I go to bed an night, I sleep better knowing that my wife is working a good recovery program.

Why would I ask anything less of myself?

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Step 7 - Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

I’ve always had difficulty asking for help.

I don’t want to bother others or be an inconvenience.

I don’t want others to know that I can’t handle situations on my own - that I am weak.

Step 4 allowed me to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself - allowed me to identify and understand my defects of character.

I now realize that I didn’t feel I was worthy of help from others - or my Higher Power.

Today, I realize that asking for help is not a sign of weakness.

By the time I reached Step 7, my connection with my Higher Power had strengthened.

I found myself not only willing to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understood him (Step 3), but also to consciously make the effort daily - I just wasn’t always successful.

With this, humbly asking Him to remove my shortcomings did not come easily.

I don’t think the issue was that I didn’t want my shortcomings removed or that I doubted my Higher Power would be there for me - but it was the “what ifs” that slowed my progress.

What if I ask Him to remove my shortcomings but I find myself slipping into old behaviors?

What if I have nothing left after my shortcomings are removed - who is the person I will become?

After all, my shortcomings weren’t learned overnight - most are defense mechanism crafted over a lifetime.

Through attending Al-Anon meetings and hearing the wisdom of others in the program, I’ve learned that if I am struggling with a step - I need to visit the preceding steps again.

For me, to truly gain comfort with Step 7 - I had to revisit Step 2 and Step 3 while making my request.

I needed to remind myself that my Higher Power could restore me to sanity - that I had made a commitment to turn my life over.

By revisiting these steps, I was finally able to ask for my shortcomings to be removed.

When in doubt, I have learned the answer is to ask.

The following are Step 7 related quotes from Courage To Change - One Day At A Time In Al-Anon II.

“I accept the fact that I need help in being restored to sanity, and that I cannot achieve this without help.” - The Dilemma Of The Alcoholic Marriage

“Before sunlight can shine through the window, the blinds must be raised.” - American Proverb

“Humbly’ means seeing myself in true relation to my fellow man and to God.” - Lois’ Story

“We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us - how we can take it, what we do with it - and that is what really counts in the end.” - Joseph Fort Newton

“Humility will help us see ourselves in true perspective and keep our minds open to the truth.” - Alcoholism, the Family Disease

“If my problems have brought me to prayer, then they have served a purpose.” - As We Understood….

“We didn’t necessarily get the results we wanted, but somehow we always seemed to get what we needed.” …In All Our Affairs

“Even if we have struggled with the idea of a Higher Power, we have learned that asking for help works…” …..In All Our Affairs

I hope that one of these quotes connected with you.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.