The Recovery Slogans of Al Anon & Alcoholics Anonymous

Can three or four words change your perspective?

Can they turn the feeling of being overwhelmed to a feeling of serenity?

Can they act as a restart button?

It use to be when I found myself stuck on a problem, I could spend hours or days running scenarios through my head - trying to find the perfect solution, having confrontations and arguments play out in my head, creating internal drama that may never happen.

I wasn’t present - I would live this obsessive 2nd life all inside my head.

When I started attending Al-Anon, I was able to take a look at these actions - ask myself if this was a healthy way of being. I was given tools to assist me in switching my way of thinking when I started going down the wrong path.

Most importantly I was encouraged to seek a level of self-awareness to identify what the wrong paths were.

The most valuable tools for me are the slogans you find in recovery literature.

On the surface, the slogans seem so simplistic - it is silly to think these couple of words strung together could be leveraged to find peace of mind.

To me, that is the key - the simplicity in the slogans;

“Easy Does It”

“First Things First”

“How Important Is It”

“Just For Today”

“Let Go & Let God”

“Keep An Open Mind”

“Keep It Simple”

“Let It Begin With Me”

“Listen And Learn”

“Live An Let Live”

“One Day At A Time”

When I find my head is spinning with thought - saying “Let Go & Let God” reminds me that I don’t have to solve every problem - that if I trust in my Higher Power, I can let go of the issue and let Him provide the resolution.

I can then move forward with a clear mind.

When I’m with disciplinng whether or not to discipline my children - asking myself “How Important Is It” gives me a starting point. Will this issue really matter in 20 years? Will either my child or myself take away a life lesson from my reaction? If not, it is probably not that important.

I can then move forward with a clear mind.

If my alcoholic falls out of sobriety and I start to think too far out in the future about the impact from one day’s events - reminding myself that recovery for the alcoholic in my life and myself is “One Day At A Time” allows me to stay in the present and not overwhelm myself with scenarios that may never come to be.

I can better manage my reactions and then move forward with a clear mind.

If you haven’t already, I would encourage you to take a look at Al-Anon’s recovery literature.

The daily readings can help you work through your issues and allow you to figure out how to apply the slogans to your situation.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

******PLEASE INDICATE IN YOUR EMAIL IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR THOUGHTS POSTED******

Last night I attended my Friday night Al-Anon meeting.

We typically pick a random topic from Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II. At the first meeting of the month, we read passages from the step that corresponds to the month we’ve just entered.

For May, that would be Step 5.

Step 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being, the exact natures of our wrongs.

Prior to my turn at reading (I read page page 159), I really didn’t have any pressing issues I felt needed to be discussed.

I’d had a pretty good week - I was able to keep life’s stresses at bay and was generally pleased with the way I’d carried myself since my last meeting.

What I love about attending Al-Anon is reading a passage to the group, having no idea what emotions will be exposed and learning something new about myself. To me, the purpose of Step 5 is to be honest with myself about who I am - to look inside and share what I find with another person.

The sharing is what allows me to move on - to put my issues into perspective. Once I’m able to articulate the thoughts swirling around in my head - they don’t seem nearly as bad.

The paragraph that struck me from page 159 is as follows:

“The order of these words, placing God first, then myself, and then someone else struck, me. So often I have been vaguely aware of some truth in my life that I was unwilling to admit to myself. Yet my Higher Power had already place that thought in my mind. He must have - if I’m trying to ignore it, I surely didn’t put it there.”

I started thinking about that vague nagging thought that enters my head from time to time - the one that makes me go into “fix-it” mode before there is anything to fix.

This thought has to do with my son.

I find myself to be a very hands on dad (confession from a recovering co-dependent). There is obviously nothing wrong with being hands on as long as it is coming from the right place.

Where I find myself going into overdrive is when this vague thought creeps in - the one my Higher Power has given me to interpret.

The thought is when I look at my son in certain situations, although he has never had a drink or tried drugs, I see an alcoholic or addict.

I see the characteristics and behaviors in my teen that I saw in my wife when she was active. To a muted extent - I see the same reactions in myself - the enabling, negotiating, justifying, avoiding.

Why would my Higher Power put this thought into my mind? Why would page 159 be my reading?

Although I had no pressing issues when I entered my Friday Al-Anon meeting - I was happy to have the opportunity to share this thought with the group and work through how I handle this going forward.

What I found, when I looked inside, was that I was trying to place controls to fix a problem that had not occurred and may never occur - all the time creating friction where there was no need to do so.

Will my son, or daughter for that matter, struggle with alcoholism or addiction? I pray they don’t.

However, through Al-Anon I know this is out of my control - I can only control myself and my reactions.

I can keep healthy through attending meetings, looking closer at myself and leveraging the experience within the walls of Al-Anon.

I can show my children the right path through my example - however, I can’t force them to take my lead.

Through living a recovery lifestyle with my wife - I can remind them of the path if they fall. They have grown up in this community and it will be there if they ever need it.

What I can’t do is control the decisions my children will make throughout their lives.

By understanding what is driving my reactions to my son’s behaviors - I can put my feelings in perspective and remind myself that for today, everything is alright.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

******PLEASE INDICATE IN YOUR EMAIL IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR THOUGHTS POSTED******

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Letters From The Inbox - Blind Hope, A Story Of Overcoming & Living Life To The Fullest

**Note, this is a re-post of a story I provided earlier in the week. Since then, the author has reached out to me to provide some additional details in his story of alcoholism, addiction and redemption.**

I received an e-mail the other day from a subscriber to Loving An Alcoholic, Steven C.

Steven has an amazing story that provides hope to both the alcoholic and addict as well as the family member or loved one.

If you’ve ever felt that sobriety was out of reach for you or your loved one - read Steven’s story, ask yourself why this turnaround couldn’t happen for you or your loved one.

After reading this e-mail, I had to take a step back and ask myself - am I really living life?

Steven sure is and living it in sobriety - I want to take his lead!

________________________________________

The Blind Hope.

Hello my name is Steven C. and am totally blind yet sober.

I had only ten months of sight before I went blind in an Oklahoma prison.

I developed a brain tumor, but since the prison waited to give me a costly Cat-scan to determine the problem, the only option was to remove the tumor by cutting through my optic nerves. Essentially, I became a guinea pig for interns.

Since November 6, 1996 I have been sober.

I went blind in September 17, 1997 and have been sober since. My first 2 years of sobriety while being blind was in prison. So the first ever blind person I met was me. I had to learn how to deal with reality, sobriety while blind with the help of God, the program and other inmates in prison.

I wasn’t raised with a silver spoon in my mouth.

I was a second child in a family of divorce when I was 2 years old. My mom had major drug, alcohol and sex issues and after many drunk boyfriends of hers useing me as a punching bag,  I left Dallas at the age of 11 to eventually end up in Oklahoma.

I grew up thinking if my own mom can’t love me then who can? Why should I listen to authority or this invisible God thing?

Oh, the stories I could tell you of faking it with a good attitude, so I could be an asset to others, while I was dieing on the inside. This actually worked on a bad attitude person like me. After so much time faking past the bad feelings in to doing what is right, I found out that no matter how bad a person feels or how bad the situation is, you can always do the right thing.

What a concept!

I had this cool friend in prison named Brother James. I knew him for 2 months while I was in the prison hospital adjusting to my blindness. I did not know this at the time, but he was black. Here I was a white redneneck with 9 and a half years of locked away in prison.  I learned the wrong way on how and who to hate. Brother James was the only one that would be by my side while in the prison hospital, visiting me, even though he was a inmate as well just cleaning the floors.

Brother James taught me many things but some stood out more than others. While I was dealing with depression, he told me this; to get out my depression, one day at a time, I needed to get active, to get social, no matter what I felt like that day. I needed to find an opportunity to bless someone, to get off my pitty pot and do something constructive.

We use to go to the prison canteen to purchase hard candy in bags. We were always willing to talk to other inmates and would keep the candy on ourselves so we could open the door to their hearts by offering them a kind thought and gift. Wow, what a backwards concept for an selfish self-centered ego tripper like me.

When I was paroled out 2 years later, I took the concept of giving to others in order to get outside of myself.

I started what I call the Dollar Store Ministry - I would get all sorts of candles, statues or other items, walk out like Santa Claus with a huge bag, only spending 20 dollars. I would then pass the gifts out to people I met in Churches, A.A. meetings and even grocery store lines. With my mobility cane, I have even gotten out of a car in a McDonald’s drive through to give a couple some free Mickey D cards. I always had something in my pocket, hip sack or jacket - something to bring a smile to a kid or an adult’s face.

Constructiveness.

Why should I do crap when I’m blind? Nobody cares about me! Frown. If I want to be maximum service to God and man, I have to stop playing the blind pitty card and do something - least I do nothing. So, I learned how to use a mobility cane to go the the stores myself and to navigate better independently.

It gave me such a feeling to be an asset to myself rather than looking like the poor blind guy. Amazingly, I have opened many doors to the sighted world in churches and other organizations.

I have even learned to cook from a gas stove - No crap. Haven’t blown up the neighborhood yet!

I’ve learned Braille, I’m able to sweep and mop floors. I clean my own furniture. Not only do I do our laundry, but  I clean the windows…. even though I don’t look out them. Smile. Please ladies do not use me as an excuse to slap your lazy husband. I do not need the hate mail. Smile.

My father in law bought me a table saw. I’m not sure if he was trying to get rid of me or not. Smile.

I’ve built part of my hot tub decking, a 7 foot lattice wall, several new doors and drilled the new holes for door knobs. I’ve even painted them all by myself - thank you very much.  Smile.

I even occasionally mow my own lawn barefooted so I can tell what I mowed and what I missed. Once, I accidentally mowed half of my neighbors yard. He didn’t seem to mind. smile. I have even built my own 530 stepping stone patio, in which, I have put all my weight lifting equipments on.  I’ve put up a privacy fence around my yard so know one can see me splash in my hot tub.  

If you say I can’t do it….

I’m a very competitive person and will compete with myself to find a way. I haven’t conquered the driving thing - but, I’m working on it!

I too know what it is like to want to give up on sobriety or even life . Brother James, the one I told you about, he died of stomach cancer one year after I was released on parole. The system did to him what they did to me - neglect. His tumor was cancerous. Man did this white redneck ever cry for the loss of Brother James.

The same week, my mother cut her wrist and died after years of alcohol and drug abuse. During this time, one of my closest and best pals was standing on the side of the highway giving directions to a spiritual retreat to the people following her - when a nurse fell asleep behind the wheel, hit and killed my friend on contact.  She had almost 14 years of sobriety.

Then the real one happened - my father who had a stroke in 1995 lost his career, self esteem and will to live. Yet he hung in there until I got out of prison. I moved to Little Rock, Arkansas 17 months after my release to learn more skills at a school for the blind.

Within the next year, my father had seen me fall in love and move on with life. He mailed me a money order, a package of all his worth’s; will, home certificate, insurance policy - he unplugged all his electrical items, paid all his bills 3 months in advance. He put his ID next to his phone with my name, address and phone number. He looked at us, his kids. The photo, I assume he moved off his mirror next to his phone. He laid back and put one calf over the other -put his hand gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.

I was in Kentucky when the police officer called my from Oklahoma. I fell apart so bad. I wanted to get drunk and thus take my own life like my parents did.

I felt God right then tell me; “Steve, what if you drink and do not kill yourself?  Would you want to start this recovery all over again after all of this time?” That sober minded me up - I called everyone I could to cry and scream. When I arrived in Oklahoma,  I was in dad’s house and feeling so bad. I remembered Brother James telling me how to get out of my head.

I called everyone I knew in A.A. and the churches - even a few guys across the street cutting trees for a neighbor. I told them to take most of everything that was not nailed down - to donate the items to people in need.

It helped me get through the funeral and the next 2 months.

I assume we are created to handle anything that comes our way. It is always to soon to give up!

Yes there is more, but like I was told; well done is truly better than well said - so here is more of what God has blessed this blind guy with;

I did have a lot of hostility and hatred for the whole God thing. I thought He blinded me cause of my past wrongs, sins or mistakes. It took along time, but by listening to others, it always seemed to come back to having to take responsibility for my own mistakes, screw ups and wrongs.

Darn the luck!

When I made this adjustment,  I was able to remove that obstacle that has been in the way of being service to God an man. Since then I can share this awesome stuff with you.

Remember I was an ex-con, ex-biker and a ex-practicing drunk.

 I spent nine and a half years of my life locked away in prisons and jails. I can’t lie about that when there is access to websites to prove my insanity. Kidnappings, arm robbery, hostage, extortions, drug possessions and distributing. 9 assaults and battery’s. Insighting 2 riots in McAllister prison and even ont their own D.O.C. bus.

Would God have given me blindness and then lead me to a life of fullfillment? Well!

Now, I have been married on the beach of Honolulu where 3 days later I stepped out of a plane over Honolulu 14,000 ft high. I independently surfed on the beach of Waikiki Hawaii, climbed Diamond back Volcano 1.8 miles high by myself with the help of just God and my cane.

I skied down Aspen Snowmass Mountain 12,000 ft. high - what a rush! I did crash once, five feet in the air, doing a 180 - thinking the whole time; No tree, No tree! 

I climbed both Maya Pyramids in Latin Mexico - one was so steep I had to come down on my butt.  I repelled down Coba cliffs, climbed hand in hand up Jamaica falls where I was the second person behind the guide with 27 people behind me - not giving up because they knew I was blind.

I rode simple electronic bull in Florida, hang glided 2,000 ft. high over Orlando Florida, climbed a 40foot climbing wall on a Caribbean cruise, motorize hang glided over the ocean of Cancun Riviera, rode horses on the same beach of the Riviera. Way cool.

Rode Dolphins in the beach of Cancun, slip tongued a darn sea lion thinking it was my wife Selena going to kiss me. Yuck! Did get her number though. No, you can’t read my step four!!

Jumped on a 20 foot Whale shark. Man that hurt! Thank God he didn’t take it personal! Posed with the Dallas cheerleaders, what a feeling! Smile.

Got to hand play with a white Siberian Tiger and 2 baby gorillas. What a cute guy. He took off my 350lbs club hat and put it on. Yes I power lift and am in the 350lbs bench press, squat and dead lift club at only 195lbs of body weight. God is good.

I was blessed to fly an Nessna propeller in Tulsa. I even hit my own wake twice - accidentally pulled the nob and turned the darn thing off. I learned not to touch things I Know nothing about! Smile. Para-sailed over the Bahama’s at a tad 400 foot high. Tiny stuff compared to others. Smile.

Looking forward to climbing Mount Everest like this other blind guy did - Eric.

I posed and arm wrestled Mr. Universe, I let him win. OK. I’m working at being honest.

I posed with Martin Sheen, Yakef Smirnoff and Joyce Meyer of JM international ministry. I posed with Congressmen and Senators in the House of Representatives in DC and actually much more.

One reason why we take pictures every where we go to show what God is doing in a blind guys life and proof as well. It has to be a God thing to take me to places I never would of dreamed of or thought God would have me go.

If I can do anything to help encourage people to keep on keeping on,  no matter of what life is throwing at them, just write me anytime at fire242@sbcglobal.net.

I am never too busy to give back what God has given me for fun and for free.

Yeppers, I have pictures of everything I said to prove God is Good!.

Thanks and stay sober.

Steven C AKA. Brett what used to be in prison, Rock

 ________________________________________

Wow, what a story!

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

******PLEASE INDICATE IN YOUR EMAIL IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR THOUGHTS POSTED******

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.