Hitting Rock Bottom - Is It Just For The Alcoholic Or Does It Apply To The Family & Loved Ones?

You often hear about hitting rock bottom. This is the expression typically used to describe when the alcoholic or addict have reached their low and make the decision to start addressing the problem.

Many times this is associated with some type of loss - the loss of a job, relationship, children or a trauma that provides a moment of clarity.

Does hitting rock bottom apply to the family member or loved one of an alcoholic or addict?

Thinking back to when I realized my wife’s drinking had become unmanageable, I found myself morphing into someone I could barely recognize. I felt trapped and I had to do something immediately to fix the problem.

The pain was so severe I found it hard to get out of bed some days. I imagined all of the worse case scenarios and couldn’t find any hope to grab onto.

Looking back, I had become just as ill as my wife, however, I didn’t have the tools to put this in perspective. I knew I wasn’t the same person, I knew it was due to my wife’s drinking but I didn’t know how to get healthy again.

As my wife had trouble admitting she was an alcoholic, I had trouble admitting that I was sick and needed help myself.

I remember thinking to myself that I can’t live this way anymore.

I can’t live this way anymore!!!

The problem was I didn’t know what to do to stop living this way. I was living in the pattern of trying to threaten, bribe and reason my wife into stopping her drinking.

I was slowing reaching my rock bottom - I could barely function, I couldn’t see any future, I couldn’t bare to be in the moment and I felt that I had lost my wife forever.

Desperate for help I started reaching out - I finally realized that I couldn’t go it alone.

I didn’t care who knew about my situation - all I cared about was finding someone to help me get back on the right path.

That for me came in the form of Al-Anon.

As I started attending meetings and gathering tools to address my situation, I slowly began to get healthy again.

I learned I could detach from my wife’s alcoholism with love.

I learned that I didn’t cause my wife’s drinking, I couldn’t control her drinking and I couldn’t cure her alcoholism.

I became free of carrying her burden which allowed me to slowly become the me that I couldn’t recognize when I was wallowing in despair and self pity.

Looking back I can see how important it is to grab hold of slogans such as “This too shall pass.”

The pain associated with loving an alcoholic can be so great that it is easy to lose sight of this - this to shall pass.

Can a bottom be avoided by the family member and loved one of an alcoholic?

I think it can.

Find resources, read recovery literature, turn your will over to your higher power, focus on being in the moment and not in the future, detach if necessary, share your story and actively seek help for yourself.

Use these ideas to regain your health and start to take your life back.

Do you have a topic you would liked discussed on Loving An Alcoholic?

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

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We’ve all experienced anger, but what causes this emotion?

The other day my wife forwarded me a quote: “Anger and resentments are masks for fears.”

My initial reaction was to feel that my wife was trying to tell me something - something that I didn’t want to hear.

Perhaps this quote was hitting a little to close to home for me.

In reality, this was a “quote of the day” from a website my wife subscribes to, so perhaps it was something greater than my wife trying to make a point - that is usually how it works with daily readings and recovery literature.

photo credit: h.koppdelaney

I am often quick to become irritable and angry when things aren’t going exactly as I see fit. When I feel this way - it is usually the controlling side of my codependency rearing its head.

I used to get angry and not know what to do with it. I would feel stuck which would lead to even more intense feelings - a cycle that could derail my personal recovery, my attempt at getting healthy again.

Why do I feel this way and what can I do to make it stop?

Today I can think through and try to rationalize what is driving my mood; If I am angry - I need to figure out what I am afraid of.

Once I am able to identify my fear, I usually realize that it is not as bad as I had subconsciously made it out to be.

I ask myself if it is worth giving up my serenity - it usually is not.

If I take this process a step further and focus on what is driving my fear - I think of another quote:

“Fear is the absence of my Higher Power.”

When I start to feel fear, I need to think about where I am in that moment with my relationship with God.

Is it close to me or is it distant?

If my relationship is close and I am truly turning my will and my life over to my Higher Power, then I have nothing to fear. It is when my relationship is in the distance that I have these feelings of anger, fear, despair within.

Knowing the cause of my emotions help me work through them - helps me on my path to recovery.

Today I can find perspective through putting the pieces of the recovery puzzle together - through reading daily devotionals, slogans and attending Al-Anon recovery meetings.

Do you have a topic you would liked discussed on Loving An Alcoholic?

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts:

support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

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Am I moving forward in recovery or falling back into codependency?

I often find myself wrestling with thoughts about where I am in recovery.

When I agree to something I’m indifferent about, is it because I’m truly indifferent or am I falling back into codependent patterns?

photo credit: jeffkAm

When a family member or friend appears to need help, by inserting myself into the situation, am I truly helping them or I am doing what comes natural to me - fixing and controlling?

Where is the balance?

How do I know that I have found it?

These are the questions I ask myself that show I’m missing the point.

When I struggle with finding the answer - I’m forcing my will into the situation.

Instead of taking a step back and listening to my Higher Power’s will, I’m trying too hard to control the outcome.

It’s times like theses that I really need to clear my head, slow things down and listen.

I have a choice - I can either insert myself into every situation around me or I can let things unfold.

I’ve tried inserting myself into every situation - that is the controlling side of me, the codependent. This approach often leads to frustration and resentments.

When I let things unfold, let my Higher Power’s will play out - I am usually pleasantly surprised.

Even if things don’t go exactly as I would have wanted, I haven’t given my energy away, the resentments aren’t there.

Step 3 of the 12 steps reads; made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.

The question I should be asking myself isn’t whether or not I’m on the path of recovery or slipping back into codependency - I should be asking myself if I’m practicing Step 3.

If I am, the rest will take care of itself.

What I like about my recovery program is that it is about progress and not perfection.

I will undoubtedly fall back into old behaviors from time to time. The difference today is that I have the tools to keep moving forward - to being a healthier me.

Do you have a topic you would liked discussed on Loving An Alcoholic?

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted? Send me your thoughts:

 support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend.

This is your first step towards healing.

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