Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Before finding recovery, I would keep all of my fears and anxieties related to the alcoholic in my life locked away inside my thoughts. 

I had trouble connecting with myself - difficulty looking inside to address the issues that were keeping me from moving forward - that were keeping me from getting healthy again.
I didn’t want others to know what was going on - to know that my family was falling apart and that my life was spinning out of control.

I didn’t want others to know that I too had become sick along side of my wife - that I needed help.

I felt isolated, scared and completely vulnerable.

When I keep my troubles inside, I find that my mind wanders. I tend to go down paths that may become distorted. I find it difficult to see clearly and often slip into old defects of character.

Today I know that I need to put my thoughts into words. I need to say what I am thinking and put my fears, anxieties and worries out into space. I need to be real with myself - this is the only way I can move forward in recovery.

I need to understand my character defects and admit the exact natures of my wrongs to my God and to another person.

By verbalizing what is going on inside, I am able to cleanse myself. I find what I thought was a problem may not be so bad. If I can speak to my defects of character, I can work through them - I can make the necessary changes.

I find perspective.

One of the greatest gifts Al-Anon provides me is a supportive group that allows me to say what is on my mind - what I am going through and what I need to work on - without judgement.

I receive unconditional support - the same support I provide others.

My Al-Anon group allows me the freedom to be the real me that I don’t always feel I can be in the real world.

The hour that I am at a meeting provides me the opportunity to leave my troubles behind and focus on the hope, strength and encouragement found within the walls.

All I have to do is share - to admit to God, to myself and the others in the room the exact nature of my wrongs.

This release of my troubles, fears, hopes and dreams allows me to move forward - to grow.

For that I am grateful.

The following are Step 5 related quotes from Courage To Change - One Day At A Time In Al-Anon II.

“When we take Step 5, we demonstrate a willingness to change.”  - In All Our Affairs

“Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised.”  - American Proverb

“Deep down I had a nagging knowledge that there would be no relief from myself until I could bring my problem out into the open and talk to someone else about it….”  - As We Understood

“Look within - the secret is inside you.”  - Hui-neng

“There is no better way to keep our spiritual benefits than by giving them away with love, free of expectations, and with no strings attached.”  - In All Our Affairs

I hope that one of these quotes connected with you.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Step 4 asks us to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Scary stuff, huh?

After all, for me, the codependent behaviors that I developed throughout my life were intended to do just the opposite - to keep me from looking at myself by focusing on everyone else.

After years of focusing on others, it can be hard take a step back and reconnect with ourselves.

Step 4 allows us to identify our defects of character - for me, these were the behaviors that came to the forefront as I dealt with my wife’s drinking:

I was able to see clearly that I had become codependent. My self worth would rise and fall through the peaks and valleys as my wife would slide in and out of recovery.

The value I placed in being able to control situations moved from a strength to a weakness - my controlling nature was simply a symptom of my self doubt and fear.

My quick temper and irritability was just another ugly tool I would use to try to manipulate the situation.

What I’ve found as I’ve traveled down the path of personal recovery, is the character defects that were magnified during my time of dispair had always been there at some level.

I struggle with them today.

The difference for me, is that today with the help of the Steps, I can identify these behaviors when they begin to surface, and today - I have the tools to find healthier ways to express my feelings.

I have healthier alternatives to being me.

I’m not always successful - fortunately for me, this is a program of progress not perfection.

The following are Step 4 related quotes from Courage To Change - One Day At A Time In Al-Anon II.

“We all wish good things to happen to us, but we can not just pray and then sit down and expect miracles to happen. We must back up our prayers with action.”- Freedom From Despair

“Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised.” - American Proverb

“If a man happens to find himself…….he has a mansion which he can inhabit with dignity all the days of his life.” - James Michener

“You never find yourself until you face the truth.”- Hui-neng

“All progress must grow for a seed of self appreciation.”- The Dillemma of an Alcoholic Marraige

“The important thing is not to stop questioning.” - Albert Einstein

“He that respects himself is safe from others; he wears a coat of mail that no one can pierce.” - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

I was recently approached by one of our readers of Loving An Alcoholic, asking if I would reveiw her book on recovery; If You Loved Me You’d Stop! What You Really Need To Know When Your Loved One Drinks Too Much

I jumped at the opportunity because I am a believer in surrounding myself with as much literature as possible to gain many different persepectives to assist me in carving my own path of recovery.

About the author:

Lisa Frederiksen uses her decades-long experiences of coping with family alcoholism and alcohol abuse in her journey to free herself of its life-robbing consequences as the back-drop to her seventh book.

If You Loved Me You’d Stop! weaves in and out of personal narrative, factual information and provides easy to understand scenarios that are all too familiar with those affected by a loved one’s drinking.

The book lays out the differences between alcoholism and excessive drinking and ties in the concept that your loved one’s drinking is not within your power to fix or control - which frees many of us.

What is within our control is focusing on ourselves to put enabling, codependency and other unhealthy behaviors in the past.

Throughout Lisa’s sharing of her personal story and drawing scenarios, I was able to see similarities with my story, feelings and behaviors - starting with the title of the book.

I imagine you will as well.

Excerpt from If You Loved Me You’d Stop!

“Keeping the focus on myself in this manner keeps me from unraveling as my life continues to take new twists and turns. Now, it’s different. I still experience anger, shock, fear and disbelief and can go down
paths that aren’t very productive, bot now, in these times, I am also armed with the knowledge and sense of self I’d previously not had. In these times, I know the only person I can truly change is myself, and the only person who can truly change my situation is me. In the end, the research, therapy and recovery work I’ve done and the information and insights I’ve discovered have “saved” my life, even though it cannot stop the “stuff” from happening.”

Do you have a topic you would like to have discussed on Loving An Alcoholic or have comments related to today’s post?

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.