Last night I attended my Friday night Al-Anon meeting.

We typically pick a random topic from Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II. At the first meeting of the month, we read passages from the step that corresponds to the month we’ve just entered.

For May, that would be Step 5.

Step 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being, the exact natures of our wrongs.

Prior to my turn at reading (I read page page 159), I really didn’t have any pressing issues I felt needed to be discussed.

I’d had a pretty good week - I was able to keep life’s stresses at bay and was generally pleased with the way I’d carried myself since my last meeting.

What I love about attending Al-Anon is reading a passage to the group, having no idea what emotions will be exposed and learning something new about myself. To me, the purpose of Step 5 is to be honest with myself about who I am - to look inside and share what I find with another person.

The sharing is what allows me to move on - to put my issues into perspective. Once I’m able to articulate the thoughts swirling around in my head - they don’t seem nearly as bad.

The paragraph that struck me from page 159 is as follows:

“The order of these words, placing God first, then myself, and then someone else struck, me. So often I have been vaguely aware of some truth in my life that I was unwilling to admit to myself. Yet my Higher Power had already place that thought in my mind. He must have - if I’m trying to ignore it, I surely didn’t put it there.”

I started thinking about that vague nagging thought that enters my head from time to time - the one that makes me go into “fix-it” mode before there is anything to fix.

This thought has to do with my son.

I find myself to be a very hands on dad (confession from a recovering co-dependent). There is obviously nothing wrong with being hands on as long as it is coming from the right place.

Where I find myself going into overdrive is when this vague thought creeps in - the one my Higher Power has given me to interpret.

The thought is when I look at my son in certain situations, although he has never had a drink or tried drugs, I see an alcoholic or addict.

I see the characteristics and behaviors in my teen that I saw in my wife when she was active. To a muted extent - I see the same reactions in myself - the enabling, negotiating, justifying, avoiding.

Why would my Higher Power put this thought into my mind? Why would page 159 be my reading?

Although I had no pressing issues when I entered my Friday Al-Anon meeting - I was happy to have the opportunity to share this thought with the group and work through how I handle this going forward.

What I found, when I looked inside, was that I was trying to place controls to fix a problem that had not occurred and may never occur - all the time creating friction where there was no need to do so.

Will my son, or daughter for that matter, struggle with alcoholism or addiction? I pray they don’t.

However, through Al-Anon I know this is out of my control - I can only control myself and my reactions.

I can keep healthy through attending meetings, looking closer at myself and leveraging the experience within the walls of Al-Anon.

I can show my children the right path through my example - however, I can’t force them to take my lead.

Through living a recovery lifestyle with my wife - I can remind them of the path if they fall. They have grown up in this community and it will be there if they ever need it.

What I can’t do is control the decisions my children will make throughout their lives.

By understanding what is driving my reactions to my son’s behaviors - I can put my feelings in perspective and remind myself that for today, everything is alright.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

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As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Loving An Alcoholic has a pretty diverse following:

Those who love an alcoholic or addict - and - alcoholics & addicts.

Today, I thought I would share a little humor for all - enjoy!

Jokes for the codependent - these tend to hit a little too close to home for me (maybe they aren’t that funny after all!):

• Q: What do you call a codependent who says “no” and doesn’t feel guilty? A: Healthy
• You’re codependent for sure when you get kicked off jury duty for insisting that you’re the guilty one.
• Q: Why did the codependent cross the road? A: To help the chicken make a decision.
• Did you hear about the codependent who flunked geography? He couldn’t distinguish any boundaries.
• You know you’re codependent if you find yourself in a rut - and move in furniture.
• Q: Why does a codependent buy two copies of every self-help book? A: One to read and one to pass on to someone who really needs it.
• You’re codependent for sure if, when you die, someone else’s life flashes in front of your eyes.
• Q. What does a codependent have in common with God? A. They both have a plan for your life.

Don’t take them too seriously, but here are some indications that you just might need to consider Alcoholics Anonymous:

• You have awakened with an overwhelming feeling that you should go back and apologize… but you don’t remember where.
• The Tipsy Taxi service has banned you from all its vehicles.
• People consider your spouse a Saint for reasons that totally escape you.
• The last time you had a legal driver’s license, so did Ted Kennedy.
• You bought your current pick-up truck because it has a cool place to hide a six pack.
• “But Officer, it’s been a long time since I tried to say my ABC’s!”
• All of your old friends are now members of 12-step groups.
• You know for certain that putting your foot on the floor does not stop the room from spinning.
• Your insurance agent drops by and mentions your policy does cover treatment centers.
• The producers of the television program COPS still send you Christmas cards.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

******PLEASE INDICATE IN YOUR EMAIL IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR THOUGHTS POSTED******

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Most subscribers to Loving An Alcoholic know by now that I like to post twice a week. For the past week, I have been away from a connection that would allow me to upload content to the site.

It has been a good week with family and friends, and after a difficult day of travel - I’m back and connected.

Today’s post is going to highlight an e-mail that I received last week from a subscriber of Loving An Alcoholic - Bill P.

I’ve highlighted Bill’s writing in previous posts because I truly appreciate the way he is able to capture what this site is about - hope, strength and encouragement for family members and loved one’s of alcoholics and addicts - as well as the alcoholic or addict.

What I get from reading Bill’s thoughts is that he and his family understand that it takes acceptance, vigilance and hard work to be successful in recovery - not only for the alcoholic or addict but also for the family members and loved ones.

Bill’s note below is a response to “If An Alcoholic Is Unwilling To Get Help, What Can You Do About It?” posted on March 10th, 2009:

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Good morning Eric, happy spring (almost)!

Very good topic. As you know, I’m very close to my Dad and he’s been instrumental in my recovery.

He lives 100+ miles away but we are in close contact almost daily. Some days we just talk about the weather but almost always we share our gratefulness for my on-going recovery.

I truly know Dads involvement in Al-Anon has been a key component in his ability to attempt to understand my ‘cunning and baffling’ disease.

He has watched me go from a successful and prospering man to a homeless and lost person. He had no where else to turn and luckily found an Al-Anon group in his little town. With that he met other parents and people with loved ones struggling.

When he first joined, I was in real tough shape and felt with him going to that I was doomed (denial!). Yet whenever we talked (or cried) he showed understanding and hope. He never pushed me or degraded me. He educated himself as much as possible to help his 40 yr. old son who couldn’t foresee any future.

I know I speak often about my Dad (and step-Mom) but through Al-Anon and others like him, they saved my life and I am truly grateful.

I am working with two guys my age whose families are desperate. I have urged them to seek meetings and ‘try’ to be understanding.

I certainly never wanted to hurt anyone with my alcoholism and for a long time felt I was the only one hurting (self-pity). Yet now as the wonderful sober days grow I am shocked daily at the lives I’ve effected.

As you know, when I began the Steps, all that was asked of me was in my twelfth step is to help another alcoholic. I am now gratefully practicing that and with that I include encouragement to the families and friends that there lives are as fragile as the alcoholics.

I am a living example whose life is now going forward because of the support of others. Eric, I hope you have a great day. I think I’ll go call my Dad and wish him good morning!

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I agree with Bill - he is a living example, an example of hope, strength and encouragement.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

******PLEASE INDICATE IN YOUR EMAIL IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR THOUGHTS POSTED******