This week’s post is from Loving An Alcoholic’s guest writer, Steve C.

For those not familiar with the story of The Blind Hope, Steve C is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict who found sobriety while facing blindness in an Oklahoma prison.

Steve’s story reminds us that no matter how far gone we think our loved ones are - there is always the chance for redemption.

In today’s post, Steve talks about the lesson he has learned and put into practice - the power of positive thinking - a tool that can help guide the alcoholic, addict or loved one to a healthier way of being.

The Blind Hope, Thinking doesn’t have to Stink!

My name is Steve C.- I’m an alcoholic who also happens to be blind.

I’ve been blessed to be sober since November 6, 1996. I found sobriety while in an Oklahoma prison.

I became blind September of 1997 from a brain surgery that went bad with two years left before my release.

Sad state of affairs? Yes!

I was able to make it though, by changing myself on the inside.

My story is about a guy with a bad and negative attitude. The main reason I drank and drugged over the past many years was this; Reality and sobriety sucked! Straight up!

I was not raised with wisdom or common sense nor was I taught to use it. Like a lot of us, I grew up in an alcoholic home with a lot of craziness going on.

I went to church when I was about 8 but only with my older brother hand in hand across the big Dallas field -leaving mom behind at home to nurse her hangovers.

No role model to watch this whole god thing in the process.

What I saw was a drunk behaving irrational, neurotic - she was a real drama queen. I was programmed by what I witnessed growing up….and then followed suit.

I reacted to the situations and circumstances that came my way instead of acting properly with wisdom or common sense - I over reacted like mom would do.

Man! The times I heard my teachers tell me; “Steve, can’t you think before you speak or do anything?” Nope! That wasn’t in my make up!!

When I became sober, in the Halls of A.A., man did I get a brain tilt! Heck, I did something I never felt was a big deal- I started to think more than ever.

I can’t say that I thought more than felt - but I started to think more before I reacted.

For awhile, this new way of being could cause me pain - I just wanted to turn the darn thing off. Know what I mean?

Here I was, blind and sober. All I ever thought about was the poor me’s, life sucks, people suck, nobody understands me, nothing good could ever happen to me.

I can’t do anything at all right?

Talk about a negative mind set I had in front of me to deal with. It would take God to change my way of thinking - and it did!

It took much prayer, fellowship with positive minded people and reading the right literature to allow me to get on the right tract so I could deal with life on life’s terms.

Alcoholics Anonymous. was the first book that allowed me to start changing my mind set. I then grew to love listening to positive speakers that have been through the madness, like me, so I could understand their journey and what they are doing now.

I learned so much being blind that I know I would have missed if I were sighted.

Why? When you are blind you aren’t sitting at the table of A.A. or church looking at Ms. Cleavage across the room, while missing what is being said.

OK guys, don’t cry for me! Smile.

I can’t tune anyone out! Ain’t possible - Preachers, T.V., radio, others around me. What ever I allow to come into my ear’s gate allows me a choice - to learn or not. I choose to learn.

I listen to others which allows me to grow up and be an asset to God, people and myself - rather than being an Ass!

Thinking about the good stuff each day keeps my mind in the right course of feelings and actions.

I have learned trial and error.

I can now think myself into right actions. Wow! I am no longer bound to a negative mind.

Like it is said, “Where the mind goes the body will surely follow”. I’d rather follow after the mind that thinks about growth, change, positive inputs, actions and love.

Did you know that a man can learn how to be romantic still?

I was so into the action movies when I could see. They aren’t quite as fun being blind - It’s hard to get into when you don’t understand the sounds. So I started listening to drama’s and romantic movies - more talking than boom boom bang bang.

I started to listen and the spiritual growth came. This became a tool to allow me to grow up. I simply listened, whether it was to a person or program. Anybody can grow old, hardly anyone wants to grow up! Smile.

Instead of letting negative thoughts control my actions, (why should I do this or that, I won’t enjoy it, no fun for a blind guy, poor me,ect.) I’ve taken a different path.

I was blessed to receive 2 tickets to attend the Presidential inauguration for January 20 of this year - to be a part of history witnessing the first black man sworn in as President of the United States.

Oh, I could of said to myself; I can’t see it so why should I go!? Poor me.

But I did go and the sounds of millions cheering for the new President, praying the Lord’s prayer, all at once by Millions. Wow!

Hearing his and other’s voices over the loud speakers - the awesomeness of it!

This experience has touched me in many ways. It has made me even more grateful - grateful for getting past the pitiful me’s, allowing me to keep on keeping on. Confirming that I don’t have to take dictations from my feelings anymore.

I was asked by my wonderful wife, Selena to meet her in California while she is in training. The old funky fears came up. How do I get from Tulsa to California by myself? I can’t do this! What if I end up in China?

I prayed past the feelings. God gave me the confidence right then and there - he just said, “We can do this!”

Sounds quirky but this feeling made me move that fear Mountain over and go forward.

It was so fun going on my first flight with American Airlines - I was wearing my A.A. ball cap.

As I trailed with my cane to the plane, I purposely turned left - like a blind dummy. The pilot spoke out and asked if he could help me. I said; “I’m your relief Navigator, show me to the seat and I will get you some where - not sure where, but we will get some where.”

One of the co-pilots said out loud, “Sweet, this ought to be fun!”

When we touched down in Dallas for my connection, 2 flight attendants asked if they could help. “Heck yes!” I said to the nice young ladies. They were going to another plane anyways, so here I was - one on one arm and one on the other, walking down the Dallas Love Field airport wearing my A.A. hat. Blind guy got it going on!!

I think I heard some people murmuring and running to their airlines counter to change their flights after seeing us walk into their Gate. “I’m not flying with a blind pilot! Some people just have such little faith. Smile.

So, like a lot of us I start out in the morning, lifting my arms to God, praising him for another great day before I even find out if it is or not. Faith.

I make my coffee then.

I then get on my knees to pray for others - turn on a few of my positive preachers or speaker.

Joyce Meyer I love.

Then I call a few A.A. or Christian friends - by then I am ready to start my day off, feeling good with out a drug or drink.

Wow, feelings that follow after listening, thinking, doing the right thing? Yepper. Reacting for my feelings first? Nope.

You may recall brother James from my last guest post. In prison, brother James told me something to help understand this concept - right thinking causes right thinking, which causes right actions that causes a right habit - thus producing a right Lifestyle.

To keep it simple - I don’t have to tell you to brush your teeth right? Hope not. Smile.

Your mom taught you by telling you to do it, rather than thinking about it, usually by an rod of discipline. Smile.

After a while, you didn’t have to be told to do it. Right? Of course not - it is a lifestyle you learned by a long process of repetitions.

Same way for getting in the habit of thinking right in our ways and motives. For an alcoholic/drug addict, we get a Sponsor to guide our thinking through the steps and through life’s problems and issues -to get our mind on the right tract.

After much repetitions and habit forming we have learned to use our own mind to deal with life’s struggles, mishaps, disappointments - which use to baffle the crap out of us. Get it? I did!

Have a great Life and stay sober and serene.

PS. Write me if you need any encouragements.

fire242@sbcglobal.net

Steve C.

The Blind Hope

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

******PLEASE INDICATE IN YOUR EMAIL IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR THOUGHTS POSTED******

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Well, it looks like a lot of Loving An Alcoholic readers were really able to relate to my last post; “Seeing Characteristics of Alcoholism or Addiction in Your Child.

I received more e-mails pertaining to this post than any other topic to date.

It seems that many of us who have lived through coping with an active alcoholic have had similar exeriences in seeing the characterisitics of our alcoholic loved one in our children.

The key to keeping our sanity is in how we deal with this perception.

I wanted to share with you a comment provided by Lisa Frederiksen of Breaking The Cycles.com  from the May 2nd post:

“Seeing Characteristics of Alcoholism or Addiction in Your Child”

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Your post really struck a cord with me.

I was so worried that my children would make the same mistakes I’d made, and I was so caught up in the insanity of trying to cope with my loved ones’ active alcoholism (which, in and of itself, causes one to focus on everyone else in an attempt to control the situation), that I was constantly on them.

All with good in intentions, but when I started my own recovery for the family side (i.e., codependency) of this family disease, I realized that the repeated subliminal messages of my “just trying to help” efforts were, “I don’t think you can do this,” “I don’t trust your judgment,” “I know what’s best for you,” “What you’re doing is not good enough.”

Though never stated directly, these were the messages that rang through as I tried various ways of manipulating my children to do what I thought was in their best interest.

But, as you’ve so beautifully said in your post, “What I can’t do is control the decisions my children will make throughout their lives.

By understanding what is driving my reactions to my son’s behaviors - I can put my feelings in perspective and remind myself that for today, everything is alright.” By me finally making this shift myself (and it took some time and a lot of slips), the relationship I now share with my children and the growth I’ve seen in them has been astounding.

Thanks for your post!!

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You may recall Lisa’s name from a previous book review on Loving An Alcoholic.

Excerpt: Lisa Frederiksen uses her decades-long experiences of coping with family alcoholism and alcohol abuse in her journey to free herself of its life-robbing consequences as the back-drop to her seventh book. If You Loved Me You’d Stop! weaves in and out of personal narrative, factual information and provides easy to understand scenarios that are all too familiar with those affected by a loved one’s drinking.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

******PLEASE INDICATE IN YOUR EMAIL IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR THOUGHTS POSTED******

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

One of the difficulties in writing a Blog like Loving An Alcoholic is managing through the limitations of the web-tools available.

On this particular site - one of the limitation’s I have found is with the inclusion of “comments” to my posts.

The process to add a comment isn’t as intuitive as I would like - and when added - isn’t the most obvious.

I’d like to share a comment provided on my last post - I think it is important to see other’s perspective.

I’ll also leave instructions for how to add a comment at the bottom of this post (which becomes much easier once you have completed registration) and I’ll highlight your comment in future posts if you care to leave one.

Today’s comment is from Lisa Frederiksen of Breaking The Cycles.com from the April 2nd post: “Easy Does It - Gaining Perspective Through Recovery Slogans”

“Reading Al Anon literature has helped me tremendously over the years.

The index can be a lifesaver, as well — when a particular problem, detachment, for example, is bothering me, I can look up all of the readings on that issue and often find clarity as to what I want to do next.

The slogans are also hugely helpful.

They help me jar my “thinking” from the fight-or-flight part of my brain and move it to the “thinking part” of my brain from where I can then respond instead of react.

Thanks for this post.”

You may recall Lisa’s name from a previous book review on Loving An Alcoholic.

Excerpt:

Lisa Frederiksen uses her decades-long experiences of coping with family alcoholism and alcohol abuse in her journey to free herself of its life-robbing consequences as the back-drop to her seventh book.

If You Loved Me You’d Stop! weaves in and out of personal narrative, factual information and provides easy to understand scenarios that are all too familiar with those affected by a loved one’s drinking.

Instructions for adding a comment to Loving An Alcoholic:

Option 1.

At the bottom of the post you would like to comment on:

Click on “No Comments” or “Post Comment”
Click on “Logged In”
Click on “Register”
Enter “User Name” and “Password”
Click “Register”
A pass word will be e-mailed to you.
Cut and paste your password into the sign on screen with your user name.
Click “Log In” and check “Remember Me”
Leave your reply at the bottom of the post
Click “Submit Comment”

Once you have registered and clicked “Remember Me” you shouldn’t need to go through this process again.

Option 2.

On the right hand side of the site is the “Wall”
Once you’ve registered, you can also leave comments in this section.

If you would prefer, you can also send me an e-mail to have your experience and words of encouragement posted.

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

******PLEASE INDICATE IN YOUR EMAIL IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR THOUGHTS POSTED******

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.